The '' will never tolerate being turned to such nefarious ends. Like so many cliched fantasy artifacts, it lends its power only to a truly just cause. And by 'a truly just cause' I basically mean 'the endorsement of cuteness'. So basically it's useless unless you want to proclaim your love for tiny kitties, or something of their ilk.
However, completely independently of the's influence, I will accept your gracious offer of buttsecks.