The MacGyver of computers
What are the system requirements for your OS?
Is your OS idiot and child proof?
Do you mind all these questions about your technology?
What would happen if i attempted to hack your computer?
Where does sonic live?
Does MY laser cannon with a removable rocket launcher have a cup holder?
if you know what i meme
do you like mudkips?
how do you keep warm?
why is colonel pronounced differently than spelled?
do u have allergies?
First Interview.... sees the couch
Hello, i am the casting Couch. you have probably seen me in locations that you can ether not tell anyone, or places you wish you never visited if you know what i mean
E.G.G.M.A.N.
- It requires a system built by me, programmed by me, updated by me, and handled by me.Originally Posted by Joe Blog
- I'd like to think so, but I know how people are.
- Not at all. If there's anything I would prefer to remain a trade secret, as it were, I simply won't tell you. No offense, of course, but I AM sort of attached to keeping my systems mine.
- Well, for one, you'd have a fairly tricky job trying to REACH my computer. The only actual network my system is on is the in-base system. I access the internet through a completely separate bog-standard computer. Also, should you somehow manage to reach my system's wiring and attempt to intrude through there, be prepared for an exceptionally large shock at the first and tiniest error.
- Anywhere and everywhere, really. Far as I know, he doesn't really have a home as such, he just travels around constantly.
- ...it's a weapon of potential mass destruction. No, it does not come with a cup holder.
- No.
- Well, there's this magical invention called "clothing". And for my home, there's this equally magical invention called "heating".
- That's something you should ask a linguist friend of mine. He might be able to theorise a reason or two. *OOC Note: Yes, I'm a linguist, so hey, I'm fielding this one. I have no actual sources or data to go on, so this is all pure hypothesis, but I suspect that initially the pronunciation of the word was "co-lo-nell", if you will, and that eventually due to spoken language it metamorphosised into "cornell". If you consider the sound, it's not actually a great stretch to assume that it's a form of linguistic change brought about by repeated use of a word in spoken language. Well, that's my nerd-moment over. Back to the doctor.*
- None in particular that I can come to think of. Light hayfever, but that's pretty much it. Nothing incapacitating, if you're considering probing my weaknesses.
The MacGyver of computers
what do you think of my cup holder idea for the laser cannon with a removable rocket launcher?
untitled.JPG
Do you have any questions?
If you were surrounded by a bear a lion and a jaguar and you had a gun with only 1 bullet in it what would you do?
Do you eat junk food?
Have you ever considered owning or making a fast food chain?
if you know what i meme
Why is an alarm clock going "off" when it actually turns on?
If you mated a bull dog and a shitsu, would it be called a bullshit?
If an ambulance is on its way to save someone, and it runs someone over, does it stop to help them?
Why is Grape Nuts cereal called that, when it contains neither grapes, nor nuts?
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?
Why is it called a "drive through" if you have to stop?
Why does mineral water that has "trickled through mountains for centuries" go out of date next year?
Why are Softballs hard?
Do the minutes on the movie boxes include the previews, credits, and special features, or just the movie itself?
If the professor on Giligan's Island can make a radio out of coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but people don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?
Why is an electrical outlet called an outlet when you plug things into it? Shouldn't it be called an inlet.
Why do we scrub Down and wash Up?
Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!
Can blind people see their dreams?
Why do most cars have speedometers that go up to at least 130 when you legally can't go that fast on any road?
Why do they call it "getting your dog fixed" if afterwards it doesn't work anymore?
Why do they call it taking a dump? Shouldn't it be leaving a dump?
Where in the nursery rhyme does it say humpty dumpty is an egg?
Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?
Why do banks leave the door wide open but the pens chained to the counter?
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
Why does Donald Duck wear a towel when he comes out of the shower, when he doesn't usually wear any pants?
How come you press harder on a remote control when you know the battery is dead?
If an orange is orange, why isn't a lime called a green or a lemon called a yellow?
If a cat always lands on its feet, and buttered bread always lands butter side down, what would happen if you tied buttered bread on top of a cat?
If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why's it still #2?
What color would a smurf turn if you choked it?
Where's the egg in an egg roll?
Why aren't blue berries blue?
Where is the lead in a lead pencil?
Why is Greenland called green when it is covered in ice?
How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood?
did you like this massive question block?
Last edited by luffy4; 15th-December-2011 at 04:09.
First Interview.... sees the couch
Hello, i am the casting Couch. you have probably seen me in locations that you can ether not tell anyone, or places you wish you never visited if you know what i mean
What Race are you?
Do you like cake? both the food and the artist?
Space, Tell me something about space?
Why don't you like Sonic?
Is your hair real?
Do you have a soul?
Any Tatts?
When does the Narwahl Bacon?
Cookie Thief
Why do we drive on a parkway and park in a driveway?
There is a difference between ignorance and stupidity ignorant people can be taught
stupid people need to be shot.
E.G.G.M.A.N.
- Well, that one's not the one I designed, but given the size of that trigger I think you either have extremely big hands or extremely tiny cups.
- None just now, but if I have any, I'll ask.
- Activate the Egg Carrier's teleportation beacon. Next.
- At times, yes.
- God no. That market is already saturated. Mostly in fat, but yeah. I don't really see the need to open a bunch of fast food places while I"m trying to take over the world.
- It's one of those strange little linguistic quirks. Though I believe people equated the storm of sound to a bomb going off, and thus decided to use the same sentence construct for alarms going off. *OOC Note: Utter bollocks, my linguist self has no idea*
- Well, the question would be...
- Nope, it calls another ambulance.
- Because the people making the brand name were idiots.
- Never heard the song, don't care.
- Because you get your food and don't have to get out of the car for it. You then drive through.
- Because practically every one of those brands is pretty much lying.
- To torture those of you who can't take the impact of a ball, I suspect. Purely for that.
- D'you know, I've never spent time looking into that? I would assume that it would be the movie itself, and everything around it is additional fluff.
- Very curious and exceptionally specific talent: Able to build a radio out of anything, but sod-all else.
- I don't know. Possibly because pointing to the wrist has become a near-universal sign for "what's the time" whereas pointing to one's crotch can indicate anything from "I need a piss" to "sex?" to the endless internet classic "penis. I'M FUCKING HILARIOUS!". I hate the internet sometimes.
- Nope. The outlet has electrical output, which charges the devices attached to it. You're just thinking the wrong way 'round.
- Not the foggiest, although the mental image of scrubbing does seem to include a downwards motion and the mental image of washing an upwards one. Blast it, now I'll be thinking about this all day. Did the mental image get inspired by the specific word choice, or did the word choice get inspired by the mental image?
- It's a comic world. It doesn't have to make sense.
- Who knows. I would think that those who became blind at a later age CAN and those who were blind since birth CAN'T. That's just personal supposition though.
- Because the cars CAN go that fast. It'd be rather silly if you were speeding and the speed dial were just stuck on 100, with the driver going "I'm going... well, 100+"
- It's called "polite euphemism". What they mean is "We don't want our dog to have offspring in any way, and be more calm. Thus, we deem it to be broken now, and once the operation is done, it will be fixed." Any questions?
- I suppose so, yes. It's one of those crude terms that developed at some point, no idea when.
- I haven't a clue. I'm not very up-to-date on my nursery rhymes.
- Well, it'd be a bit of a shame if the patient contracted something nasty while he'd be slowly dying of whatever poison they used. That would be IMMORAL. And poor practice of the doctor involved! Also, how do you know that they sterilise the needles for that? I, for one, have never actually witnessed any executions that weren't part of a fairly bad film.
- Because the doors can't be picked up and stolen easily, but they got sick of forever replacing the pens.
- In the case of some subcultures I know of, the answer here is yes. Overall, I'm inclined to say 'no'.
- See my answer on the Goofy question. It's a comic world. It doesn't have to make sense. However, in answer: Donald would probably like to dry off his entire body. He simply towels off top to bottom, and leaves the towel where it is to catch any residual droplets of water as he leaves the shower. (I can't believe I just typed that)
- Because people are silly.
- Because you'd run out of colours long before you run out of fruit.
- I would assume that the cat would land on its side.
- Because numberings don't automatically indicate rank. If I say "I am number one" it indicates rank. If I pick up a #2 pencil, it does not. Or a 5 iron for golfing, as a random example. I hope you enjoyed this short language lesson, fees to be deposited at my personal bank account. Thank you.
- I'm assuming a deep shade of purple. Why would I choke a smurf though? Why would you even consider this conundrum? Really? It's a SMURF. Why would you consider CHOKING a SMURF!?
- Major ingredient of the roll, I believe.
- Because the scientist who gave them their common name was colour blind, sadly. Luckily, he wasn't allowed to name other things involving a colour.
- I would assume it's a minor component part of the graphite of the pencil. Mind you, I could be completely off-base here.
- Kouen already asked this back on page one or two, so I'll quote my answer to him here: "The query is irrelevant. If this woodchuck were to resist me, I would turn it into a robot out of pure spite for causing these daft questions."
- Yup, though it was a fair bit of work answering them all. I do apologise if I seemed short with you on some questions, but that happens sometimes.
- Human.What Race are you?
Do you like cake? both the food and the artist?
Space, Tell me something about space?
Why don't you like Sonic?
Is your hair real?
Do you have a soul?
Any Tatts?
When does the Narwahl Bacon?
- Yes, and don't know the artist, so don't know.
- To quote the enigmatic Captain Qwark of Ratchet & Clank fame: "Space. It's huge. So huge in fact, that if you were to lose your car keys in it... they would be almost impossible to find." (No, not going to do a portal 2 gag, sorry)
- Well, the fact that he's thwarted my schemes a couple dozen times is a start. Blowing up my mechs with me in it is also a hot contender.
- Yes. Why would I wear a fake mustache? This mustache is my pride and joy, thank you very much.
- I have no idea. If the theories about souls are true, then yes, I expect that I have a soul. If not, then nobody has a soul and the question is pretty much academic.
- ...I assume you mean Tattoos? If so, no.
- The minute incoherence makes sense.
More linguistic silliness, I'm afraid. And no, I'm not going to change all of it after I take over. Making a language 100% logical would only be possible if I passed a law requiring everyone to shut up.
にんじゃ
Do you know how to put the little squigly line (~) on top of the N on a U.S. keyboard? I wanna spell morning in spanish.
Are you fond of Techno?
Dost thou hath an extensive knowledge upon the history of olde English?
Hath thy smited (killed) others at an earlier time?
How is my Olde English?
Can your phone be used as a nuke?
Do you like French Vailla floavored Coffee?
As every thread of gold is valuable, so is every moment of time.
The MacGyver of computers
Well you certainly got the question with the bear lion and jag wrong although your answer was good, the correct answer is you shoot the lion drink the bear and drive way in the jaguar.
E.G.G.M.A.N.
- I haven't a clue. I'm using a standard EU keyboard. There you just use the ~ key and then press n to get ñ.
- Hell no. I'm exceptionally fond of technology, however.
- Well, allow me to put it this way: I can easily correct every one of the myriad of errors in that question. I've done some research into these things myself since last time, you see.
- No, I have not (knowingly or consciously) killed anyone.
- Verily, thine Old English doth not exist, forasmuch as what thou'rt speaking is Shakespearean English. Old English is far more ancient and wouldst confuse thee, driving thee to the end of thy wits. If one such as me were to analyse thine aptitude for Shakespearean English, one would regrettably be forced to indicate several errors in thine spirited attempt, yet despair not, 'tis practice, after all, that makes for perfection.
- It can be used to power the launch, but not as a nuke itself. That would be worrying to hold to one's ear.
- I prefer tea, to be perfectly honest. For coffee, just standard coffee to get/keep me going is all I need.
I'm assuming a bear is some kind of booze then? Point is, my answer still stands. I don't drink too often, and I don't particularly want a jaguar. I have my eggmobile.Well you certainly got the question with the bear lion and jag wrong although your answer was good, the correct answer is you shoot the lion drink the bear and drive way in the jaguar.
if you know what i meme
Why is Greenland called green when it is covered in ice?
Why do some people feel the need to say, “Know what I’m saying?” after everything they say?
How did James Bond know if his martini was shaken and not stirred?
Why do people who sing the loudest tend to be the ones who are the most off key?
Why do shampoo instructions read, “Rinse and repeat” - do they think we missed our head the first time?
If one person is a size 52 and the other is a size 2 can one size really fit all?
Why are those “easy open” food packages never easy to open?
How come when socks come out of the dryer, there’s only one of each?
Why do gas stations advertise their prices with a 9/10 at the end - does that really help sell more gas?
Why do restaurants offer appetizers - don’t you already have an appetite if you’re there?
What happened to the other 56 varieties of Heinz 57 sauce?
Why do some moist towelette packages come with instructions that read, “Open package and use” - what else would you do with them?
Why do they call the airport a terminal if flying is supposed to be safe?
Why is bra singular and panties plural?
Why is the man who handles all your money called a broker?
Why isn’t the word, phonetic - spelled the way it sounds?
Did Adam and Eve have navels?
Does anyone ever vanish with a trace?
how many questions have been repeated?
Last edited by luffy4; 16th-December-2011 at 03:44.
First Interview.... sees the couch
Hello, i am the casting Couch. you have probably seen me in locations that you can ether not tell anyone, or places you wish you never visited if you know what i mean
にんじゃ
Just a note, very impressed by your Olde English.
As every thread of gold is valuable, so is every moment of time.
E.G.G.M.A.N.
- Because when I'm done with it it'll bloody well BE green!
- These people have a mental deficiency. It causes their brains to function on a lower level, but forces it to acknowledge the deficiency by adding "know what I'm saying" to everything they say to have something to say.
- I'm sure there's a subtle difference in taste.
- Because those're the people that are always trying too hard. Really now.
- Idiot-proofing. Idiots tend to sue companies when they're not told explicitly what to do, so they have to add in instructions for the mentally incapable.
- Only if you use my newly designed EggWeave. Strong as steel, yet possibly the most flexible weave ever designed. Not for sale anywhere! Get yours now!
- Because the people who make those packages are cruel bastards.
- Probably because you believe too much in urban myths.
- Who knows. I use a personally designed power cell in my Eggmobile. I don't NEED petrol.
- It's a way to keep the appetite manageable before the main course arrives.
- They got canned.
- See previous comment on idiot-proofing.
- Because all a terminal stage means is that it's the final stage. The terminal illness refers to a person being in the final stage before death. An airport terminal is the final stage before entering the airplane.
- Linguistic development of two completely different words? Yes, they're pieces of clothing, but that's about all they have in common.
- Probably because it doesn't make HIM enough money.
- Because the word merely derives from the ancient Greek "phonos", meaning "sound". Any questions?
- Logically, no.
- Yes. It's how they're found
- I wouldn't dare venture a guess.
A question for you: Do you have a book next to you titled "1,000 silly linguistic gaffes" or something?
Why thank you. Although I must say again it's not actually Olde English. It's Shakespearean. Old(e) English predates it by several hundred years.
if you know what i meme
Why is it called a soap opera when nobody sings?
Why does jello have a smell when you add the powder in the water, but when it "gels" the scent virtually disappears?
Can a unborn baby fart or burp?
If a baseball player hits a home run over the fence, but then dies before he can run around the bases, does the home run count?
If a General is a higher ranking officer than a Major, then why is a major illness worse than a general illness?
Why don't they make Root Beer flavored ice cream? Wouldn't it be better than root beer floats?
Why is there never a full English dinner or tea but there is always a full English breakfast?
What is the point in saying "may I ask" and then follow it up with a question?
Is it possible to be allergic to water?
When an atheist swears on a Bible before they testify in court do they have to tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth since they don't believe in God?
Why do cats like to dig their paws into something before they lay down on it?
If a pack of gum says that each piece is 10 calories, is that amount just chewing the gum, or also for swallowing it?
Why is there a little countdown (like 8, 7, 6, 5, 4) near the bottom of the copyright info page in the beginning of many books?
Why does the Easter bunny carry eggs? Rabbits don't lay eggs.
How come only your fingers and toes get wrinkly in the shower and nothing else does?
Isn't it weird that all year round your parents tell you not to play with fire, but on Independence Day they hand you a package of explosives, a lighter, and say have fun?
Are tomatoes fruits or vegetables?
How come lotion is colored, but when you put it on, it doesn't turn your skin that color?
Doesn't a lightning rod on top of church show a lack of faith?
Are there pink lemons that make pink lemonade?
Why do we say "heads up" when we actually duck?
Whats a question with no answer called?
How do "do not walk on grass" signs get there?
When a store has double doors why do they only let you use one of them?
If there was a crumb on the table and you cut it in half, would you have two crumbs or two halves of a crumb?
"What was Captian Hook's name before he had a hook for a hand?"
Do the actors on Unsolved Mysteries ever get arrested because they look just like the criminal they are playing?
Do bald people get dandruff?
Why doesn't baking soda freeze?
First Interview.... sees the couch
Hello, i am the casting Couch. you have probably seen me in locations that you can ether not tell anyone, or places you wish you never visited if you know what i mean
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