Cookie Monster 
Starship Troopers 2: Hero of the Federation
Started out looking like some horribly low budget Blip.tv show, then settled into a horrible low budget SyFy Original... until they showed nipples. Then it suddenly became bloody and crazy, to the point of cutting off a head with a meat cleaver, then sticking said head into a microwave.
Terribly acted, terrible special effects, terrible practical effects, terrible plot... I should have known not to watch it the moment I saw that LEDs on the guns were the actual effect they used to show weapons fire.
The Brady Bunch Movie
To be up front, as dated as the Brady Bunch were in this film, the "modern" world in which they were surrounded was even more dated. And for that reason, I cannot personally take the movie too serious; not that I would even if it were made today. As satire, one cannot take these things too seriously, and as a person who really wasn't a fan of the show to begin with, I went in without the ability to be offended. However, when I came out I found myself... somewhat pleasantly surprised by what I had seen.
The film thrives in calling out the absurdities of the original show without being cruel in its mockery. It struck a mostly delicate balance between making light of it and savaging the source, while at the same time showing just how ridiculous the modern world of 1995 was. Exposing the more innocent nature of the Brady characters, thrown against the corruption and decay of the then modern world, watching it mesh and flow brought a certain joy.
The main issues I had with the film were more of the absurd plotting and characterization; the main plot being the first. How in the Hell did they never know about their taxes until the near final notice? Even taking into account their mail sometimes being delivered to the wrong house, why no phone calls? No coming to the house in person? And of course, there is Jan... and her inner voices. The show played with the middle child angle, but the movie ramped it up, pushing her into a seemingly ever more insane death spiral of madness... only to be fixed by being told to "cut the crap".
If only more mental issues could be fixed in such a way...
Beavis and Butt-Head Do America
Oh god, a blast from my childhood. I saw this in the theater in 1996 when I was 12 years old. I had to travel to another city to see it because the local theater didn't have it. I was surrounded by people older than me, all massive fans... and when the lights went down, we were all excited. Laughter abounded, I was amazed. It was one of the best movie going experiences I ever had. And now, looking back almost 18 years later I still enjoy the film. The only real complaint I have is, of course, the lack of music videos and the duo riffing on them; but it's something I can forgive... if nothing else, out of knowing now that if they did, it would be much harder to get this film, or worse, it would have to be removed due to rights.
If you're a fan of the show and haven't seen it, then shame on you. See it now. If you aren't a fan, then it would be in your best interest to pass this film up, because you really won't get it.
A Very Brady Sequel
I really do want to see that I Dream of Jeannie, Gilligan's Island and Brady Bunch cross over that this film was totally hinting at.
Anyway, this film is superior to the first in the sense that they removed virtually everything that could date it in the mid 1990s. It's a smattering of references to the show, but it also does things with them; this film is less about using the fact that they're still a family living in the 70s and more expanding and filling in the gaps of the premises of various episodes. It also brings up a sexual tension between those made siblings by marriage, something you don't see very often.
All in all, I think it's actually a stronger film than the first.
The Brady Bunch in the White House
Now, I understand that it was six years between the second film and this, and due to that actors have aged, however there was no excuse for Alice. The casting of the new actors was terrible; it seemed as though they took whoever showed up and ran with it in spite of how horrible they were. It certainly feels like a product of its time, filming wise; you can just tell that it's a early 2000s film from the video quality. And the product placement... for a movie about a family stuck in the 70s, they sure do shill numerous modern companies and their products.
Jan's internal voices are back, and she moves her head to each one, showing an obvious sign that she's mentally disturbed, yet nobody seems to care. She talks to a painting of Abe Lincoln, who has a terrible CG mouth... and then other presidential paintings talk to her. More over Jan has been given the Meg treatment, the middle child that is verbally abused and hated upon simply because she's the middle child. It was present in the first two films, but it seems much more pronounced in this, as is self centered nature of Marcia, to the point of being vindictive towards those who she feels slighted her by being voted for instead of her or beating her in something.
Now we get to the soundtrack and how horrible it is. The first film suffered from dated music, the second film avoided it... this one reveals in bad, ill fitting music that distract from whatever is happening and generally make my eyes roll in disgust. It's the sort of tripe you would normally hear in a low budget bad movie like this, sure, yet in a Brady Bunch film it feels more out of place and horrible.
The plot, well, it's supposed to be political satire. Instead, it's just a boring, plodding attempts to discredit people with honesty in government and then goes into a parody about the impeachment of Bill Clinton. It's also the seemingly perfect time, in the films eyes, to bring up old episode concepts and shoe horn them in, just as the other two films did. Only they were much better at it.
As a Brady Bunch film it's nowhere near the standards set by the first two. As a sequel it's completely not needed. As a film all on its own, it's weak and has no actual value, either as a straight out comedy or a political satire. A true waste of nearly 90 minutes.
Jackass: The Movie / Jackass Number Two
Jackass is a curious beast. Everything I am tells me that I should hate this, and yet I don't. Maybe it's a sick little part of human nature to enjoy people being hurt, maybe it's some kind of repressed anger issues to see them doing it to others, maybe it's a morbid desire to see just how much people are willing to do and put themselves through for their own pleasure and by extension others who are like them. It's simply one of those things that, to sound cliche, you either enjoy or hate.
At least it seems that way; I've never once met somebody who was indifferent to this sort of thing.
Alien: Resurrection
Much like Alien 3, I enjoyed this movie despite the majority hating it. Yes, the plot was stupid. Yes, most of the characters were annoying. Yes, the acting could have been better. But at the end of the day it was still a pretty decent action film set on a space ship. Ripley made it clear, and under no uncertain terms that everybody was going to die, just as she had been trying to warn people before, only this time she actually did something about it, personally.
Comparing it to Alien is do to both films an injustice; they're two different animals, and if you wanted more of Alien then of course you would hate the film. It was a much more action driven film, like Aliens, only without the space marines that could shoot an Xeno in half. The ship was huge on the outside, and they reflected that on the inside while still giving it an enclosed, almost trapped feeling, perfectly friendly for stalking... and it even gave us something that I really did enjoy; seeing a Xenomorph swim. The agility and grace they have 'on land' is perfectly complimented with their water performance and really mixed things up for a short while.
The sets... they were pretty generic space ship. The practical effects were still great, the CG really wasn't that bad, and as always the Xenomorph design itself is still a glory to behold, especially when done with physical props.
Spoiler warning:
I would recommend it, but not to people who wanted another movie in the vein of Alien. Aliens perhaps, as this is a much more action driven film like that one... but expecting another Aliens is not going to let you enjoy it. Take it as its own thing, without trying to compare it to the others in the series and you may enjoy.
Alien vs. Predator
I went into this film having heard how bad it was... and while I don't think anything involving these two licenses should EVER be a PG-13 film, I came out wondering what I had missed to make people hate it so much. it's a dumb action film; anybody expecting the "horror" of Alien is going to be let down. The plot was just there to get to the main event; Predators killin' Xenos and humans in the middle getting slaughtered.
I don't know what else I can say, really; it's not as gory as it should have been because PG-13 has been neutered so much in the day few decades. But it still had a lot of action and violence, and they got around the rating many times by making it the non humans with the blood and gore. Seeing a Xeno get its head cut off, having its head cut apart to make a shield, the Predators being impaled on Xeno tails, the glowing green blood; all of it was still great and things we wouldn't have seen had it been humans.
Really, had the humans been removed completely, this film could have been even more glorious and violent while passing under the ratings radar... but of course humans had to been involved... if just for being hosts for more Xenos.
The main selling point, to me, were the Preds and Xenos fighting it out; the film delivered in spades. I didn't go in expecting it to be dark and 'thrilling' and 'horrific" like the first Alien, I didn't go in expecting humans to win against Predators... or anything else, for that matter. I have never read the comics so I had nothing to go on from that. I went in for two alien races killing one another and I got more than I could have hoped for. As I said, it was a dumb action film, the plot was paper thin to allow for the fighting; I'm okay with this because I was expecting an action film and that's what I got.
All in all I really enjoyed the film for what it was. I went in with one expectation and I got it. And so I would recommend it to anybody who wants alien on alien violence.
Alien vs Predator 2
As much as I heard the first film sucked, I heard the second was even worse "despite" being an R rated film. For me, the film faltered when it got to the boring human stuff; the lady soldier returning to her family and their life, the whole thing with the criminal guy and the blond girl and their... boring... so forced and dull romance and the conflict between him and some other guy. I rolled my eyes and suffered through it, because around them was an amazing action film about Xenos on Earth being hunted by a Predator.
The sheer amount of death in this film is amazing; what they lacked in the first film they made up in spades, and ensured their R rating with enough murder to put some wars to shame. And among the body count were children... so many children. I didn't think a film made so recently would have been the balls to show children get facehugged and have Chest Bursters on full display, but this film delivered beyond my wildest dreams. And all the while, as the Xenos left a trail of bodies a Predator followed along, erasing the evidence... until they got into the city proper. Then it became no holds barred violence and destruction as the Xenos infested more of the town and the Predator was outgunned, all the while the humans fell.
Spoiler warning:
There's very little I can say about the film to entice you, it's one of those films you have to see to fully appreciate. Yeah, it's a dumb action film, but it's violent, gory and has more balls than I ever assumed. If you can look beyond the inane human nonsense, and if you go in knowing what the film IS, and what it isn't trying to be in the first place, then you'll enjoy it. Especially the ending.
I was just let down because they had a dog in it and I was hoping for a Xenodog. But the film didn't deliver...
