Pretend to go to japan and get busted for trafficking in child porn.
Then have a mudslide destroy your house.
And one of the other 80 hilarious things people claim to get out of translating things.
My favourite was "I'm shaving my head and becoming a monk".
Then I found out he actually shaved his head and became a monk.
Boy was my face red.
Do it. Just make sure to have some background music for the endeavor.
Makes the time go much quicker.