The Joke Thread

[Huey Kruthas]

A pedophile and a young boy are walking through a dark forest and the young boy looks up and says "I'm scared, mister". The pedophile replies "How do you think I feel, I have to walk back by myself!".

-Probably heard that one before...-

What's the difference between a truckload of bowling balls and a truckload of babies?

Only one can be unloaded with a pitchfork.

[johnny blaze]

Why are tires and black people similar?

They both work better when you put chains on them.

[weemanextreeme]

Hitler and Micheal Jackson are on a plane that's about to crash. Micheal Jackson says "Save the kids!" Hitler replies "Screw the kids!" Micheal Jackson reponds "Really? Do we have time ?"

[Kazuya Mishima]

This has been going along ep for a while: How do you describe a short guy the answer is Sprung.

[Sprung]

This has been going along ep for a while: How do you describe a short guy the answer is Sprung.

BOOO!
*throws tomatoes

[Kazuya Mishima]

BOOO!

Oh.

Let the members decide.

[johnny blaze]

This has been going along ep for a while: How do you describe a short guy the answer is Sprung.

A+, will read again.

All Sprung jokes are funny, don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

[Anonymous]

What's the difference between a trampoline and a pile of babies?

Spoiler warning:

You take your boots off to jump on the trampoline.

What's the best way to make a baby float?

Spoiler warning:

Root beer and ice cream.

How many babies does it take to paint a wall red?

Spoiler warning:

Depends on how hard they're thrown.

[Jackhammer]

An old woman dies and goes to heaven. Whilst waiting at the gates, she hears a blood curdling scream. "What was that?" she asked an angel. "Oh, that's just the woman who was in front of you having the holes drilled in her shoulders for the wings." A few minutes pass when once again there's a blood curdling scream. "What was that?" the old woman asked the angel. "They are drilling the hole in her head for the halo," replied the angel. "Fuck that, I want to go to hell instead," said the old woman. The angel replied, "But they'll take advantage of you and rape you," to which the old woman snorted, "WELL AT LEAST I'VE FUCKING ALREADY GOT THE HOLES FOR THAT!!!"



A nurse just gets off a double shift at work and heads home. On the way she has to call into the bank to pay in a cheque. She reaches the front of the queue, hands over the cheque to which the cashier replies, "You'll have to sign it first". The nurse fumbles around in her pocket for a pen but pulls out a rectal suppository..."Oh that's just fucking great", she said, "some arsehole's got my pen".

[Clive]

Whats got 8 legs and makes women scream?
























Gangrape.

[Clive]

Whats blue and doesnt fit?

A dead epileptic.

[Tassadar]

What's Hitler's Favourite Christmas song?



White christmas.

[deadlysporks]

hey I am new! anyway yall should read ALL of the jokes posted before you put in yours (i read like 6 dupes) A lot were really funny but I can't take the time to quote them all. My turn

whats back and blue and doesn't like sex?
the 15 year old in my trunk (probably the most vile joke I know)

An english man, an irish man, and a scott walk into a pub each ordering a pint. The english guy is about to take a swill as he notices there is a fly in it, so he pushes it back accross the bar and orders another. The irish fella gets his and notices there is a fly in his as well, like any good irish man would he pulls the fly out and drinks it down. The scott has his beer by now and sure enough there is a fly in his too, he grabs it by the wings and starts shaking it furiously yelling "SPIT IT OUT YA WEE LITTLE BASTARD!"

[_M_]

It's Christmas Season (I'm sorry it's the Holiday Season) so I got one:

What do the Pope and a Christmas Tree have in Common?

The balls are for decoration only.

[SA-X]

A woman goes over to her married son's house and walks in to find her daughter-in-law sitting in a chair, entirely nude. The mother-in-law says, "What the hell are you doing?"

"I'm wearing my love dress," responds the daughter-in-law, "We haven't made love in a long time."

So the mother-in-law says, "Hm, maybe I should try that."

She goes home to find her husband is not in, so she gets undressed. Two hours go by and finally she hears her husband's car. He walks in the front door and says, "What the fuck are you doing?"

"I'm wearing my love dress," says the wife.

"Well," responds the husband, "it needs to be ironed."