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Thread: The Joke Thread

  1. #91
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    I don't get it bout your joke...

    The following are new Error Messages planned for Windows Vista:

    1) Smash forehead on keyboard to continue.
    2) Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue.
    3) Press any key to continue or any other key to quit.
    4) Press any key... no, no, no, NOT THAT ONE!
    5) Press Ctrl-Alt-Del now for IQ test.
    6) Close your eyes and press escape three times.
    7) Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner.
    8) This will end your Windows session. Do you want to play another game?
    9) Windows message: "You have just made a type mismatch! Shall I format your brain?"
    10) This is a message from God: "Rebooting the universe, please log off."
    11) Keyboard not attached. Press F1 to continue.
    12) BREAKFAST.SYS halted... Cereal port not responding.
    13) COFFEE.SYS missing... Insert cup and press any key.
    14) CONGRESS.SYS corrupted... Re-boot Washington D.C? (Y/N)
    15) File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)
    16) Bad or missing mouse driver. Spank the cat? (Y/N)
    17) Runtime Error 6D at 417 A:32CF: Incompetent User.
    18) Error reading FAT record: Try the SKINNY one? (Y/N)
    19) WinErr 547: LPT1 not found... Use backup... PENCIL & PAPER.
    20) User Error: Replace user.
    21) Windows VirusScan 1.0 - "OS/2 found: Remove it? (Y/Y)"
    22) Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (P)anic

  2. #92
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    Quote Originally Posted by Strelok26 View Post
    I don't get it bout your joke...
    Heh...cute.

    "Three people of different nationalities walk into the bar. Two of them say something smart, and the third one makes a mockery of his fellow countrymen by acting dumb."

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    Fred Flinstone and Pebbles are at home when Fred says "I am gonna have a shower", Pebbles says "Can I have one too dad. He replies "Ok"
    So they are in the shower and Pebbles points up and says "Whats that daddy, whats that?". Fred replies "Its rocks dear, its rocks"
    A couple of days later Wilma says she is having a shower and Pebbles asks "Mummy can I have one too". Wilma says "No worries, Pebbles"
    They get in the shower and Pebbles points up and says "Whats that mummy, whats that?". Wilma replies "Its a rock crusher dear, a rock crusher" to which Pebbles replies "Oh ok"
    A couple of days later they are all sitting around the dinner table eating dinosaur eggs when Pebbles all of a sudden goes "Oh I get it, Daddy's rocks go into Mummy's rock crusher and out comes Pebbles"
    Last edited by DarkSamus; 29th-August-2007 at 20:24.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Mistral View Post
    Heh...cute.

    "Three people of different nationalities walk into the bar. Two of them say something smart, and the third one makes a mockery of his fellow countrymen by acting dumb."
    Cute what? my joke? or my "I don't get it bout your joke..." post?

    A little girl and her mother were out and about.

    Out of the blue, the girl asked her mother, "Mommy, How old are you?"

    The mother responded, "Honey, women don't talk about their age. You'll learn this as you get older."

    The girl then asked, "Mommy, how much do you weigh?"

    Her mother responded again, "That's another thing women don't talk about. You'll learn this, too, as you grow up."

    The girl, still wanting to know about her mother, then fired off another question, "Mommy, why did you and Daddy get a divorce?"

    The mother, a little annoyed by the questions, responded, "Honey, that is a subject that hurts me very much, and I don't want to talk about it now."

    The little girl, frustrated, sulked until she was dropped off at a friend's house to play. She consulted with her girlfriend about her and her mother's conversation.

    The girlfriend said, "All you have to do is sneak a look at your mother's driver's license. It's just a like a report card from school. It tells you everything."

    Later, the little girl and her mother were out and about again.

    The little girl started off with, "Mommy, Mommy, I know how old you are. I know how old you are. You're 32 years old."

    The mother was very shocked. She asked, "Sweetheart, how do you know that?"

    The little girl shrugged and said, "I just know. And I know how much you weigh. You weigh 130 pounds."

    "Where did you learn that?"

    The little girl said, "I just know. And I know why you and Daddy got a divorce. You got an 'F' in sex."

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    Quote Originally Posted by Strelok26 View Post
    Cute what? my joke? or my "I don't get it bout your joke..." post?
    The part I quoted, nothing more. The joke itself has been around in different incarnations since Win95, and that's just limiting it to when I saw it first; there is little doubt that it is still older yet.

    C:\DOS
    C:\DOS RUN
    RUN DOS RUN

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    Lol,Run dos run lmao!!

    is my quote a memorable quote now?

    On Christmas morning a cop on horseback is sitting at a traffic light, and next to him is a kid on his shiny new bike. The cop says to the kid, "Nice bike you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?"

    The kid replies, "Yeah."

    The cop says, "Well, next year tell Santa to put a tail-light on that bike."

    The cop then proceeds to issue the kid a $20.00 bicycle safety violation ticket.

    The kid takes the ticket and before he rides off says, "By the way, that's a nice horse you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?"

    Humoring the kid, the cop says, "Yeah, he sure did."

    The kid continued, "Well, next year tell Santa to put the dick underneath the horse, instead of on top."

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    Quote Originally Posted by Strelok26 View Post
    Lol,Run dos run lmao!!

    is my quote a memorable quote now?

    On Christmas morning a cop on horseback is sitting at a traffic light, and next to him is a kid on his shiny new bike. The cop says to the kid, "Nice bike you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?"

    The kid replies, "Yeah."

    The cop says, "Well, next year tell Santa to put a tail-light on that bike."

    The cop then proceeds to issue the kid a $20.00 bicycle safety violation ticket.

    The kid takes the ticket and before he rides off says, "By the way, that's a nice horse you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?"

    Humoring the kid, the cop says, "Yeah, he sure did."

    The kid continued, "Well, next year tell Santa to put the dick underneath the horse, instead of on top."
    rofl. that was good.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ktiger41 View Post
    rofl. that was good.
    thanks,lol


    A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?"

    Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalism. Your Mom, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the people. The nanny, we'll consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we'll call him the Future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense,"

    So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed. The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I Understand the concept of politics now." The father says, "Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about." The little boy replies, "Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit."

    For Trane the legend

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    Quote Originally Posted by Strelok26 View Post
    A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?"

    Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalism. Your Mom, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the people. The nanny, we'll consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we'll call him the Future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense,"

    So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed. The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I Understand the concept of politics now." The father says, "Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about." The little boy replies, "Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit."
    Another good one. Or maybe its just I live in America.

    Here's one:

    What's a blonde's idea of safe sex?

    A padded headboard.

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    I heard this one years ago:

    A rabbi and a priest get into a car accident and it's a bad one. Both cars are totally demolished, but, amazingly, neither of the clerics is hurt.

    After they crawl out of their cars, the rabbi sees the priest's collar and says, "So you're a priest. I'm a rabbi. Just look at our cars. There's nothing left,
    but we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God. God must have meant that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace the rest of our days."

    The priest replies, "I agree with you completely. This must be a sign from God."

    The rabbi continues, "And look at this. Here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of Mogen David wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune." Then he hands the bottle to the priest.

    The priest agrees, takes a few big swigs, and hands the bottle back to the rabbi. The rabbi takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap on, and hands it back to the priest.

    The priest asks, "Aren't you having any?"

    The rabbi replies, "No...I think I'll wait for the police."
    "If my doctor told me I had six minutes to live, I wouldn't brood. I'd type a little faster."
    -Isaac Asimov


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    Quote Originally Posted by Ktiger41 View Post
    Another good one. Or maybe its just I live in America.

    Here's one:

    What's a blonde's idea of safe sex?

    A padded headboard.
    Lol,dunno but where is teh legend?! slightly funny joke

    A man who isn't qualified keeps pestering this tailor about giving him a job selling suits. Finally, the owner tells him if he can sell this one green suit he will give him a job.

    Another employee points out to owner that they have had that suit on the rack for four years, and that it is such an ugly, green suit that nobody would ever buy it.

    The owner replies, "Yeah, I know. That's my way of getting rid of that pest!"

    Two hours later the new guy calls his boss for his next assignment.

    The owner cannot believe it and heads down to the store to see how this fellow did it. Upon arrival he sees his new salesman bleeding, scratched, and his clothes torn in several places, but smiling.

    "Congratulations, the job is yours! Nobody has come close to selling that old, ugly, green suit.

    But tell me, what in the world happened to you?"

    "Well, replied the salesman, the guy that bought the suit loved it... said it fit him great.

    As far as my injuries go, he had this really sensitive seeing-eye dog!"

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    Jim and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out. When the hospital director became aware of Edna's heroic act she immediately ordered that Edna be discharged from the hospital because she now considered Edna to be mentally stable. The director went to Edna and said, "I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that you're being discharged because you responded so rationally to a crisis by jumping in the pool to save the life of another patient. Your action displays sound mindedness. The bad news is that Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead." Edna replied, "He didn't hang himself. I put him there to dry. How soon can I go home?"

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    Renault have designed a new people carrier with more boot space to fit in an extra child.

    Its called the Renault McCann.

    Coat>>>>>taxi.
    Touch my twat.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Tits McGhee View Post
    Renault have designed a new people carrier with more boot space to fit in an extra child.

    Its called the Renault McCann.

    Coat>>>>>taxi.
    I heard that 30 minutes ago from someone else.



    They are making a new series of LOST it's going to feature her.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Monty_Python View Post
    I heard that 30 minutes ago from someone else.



    They are making a new series of LOST it's going to feature her.
    Yes but I told it better.

    A guy goes to the pub and says to his friend, "You wont believe what happened, I was taking a shortcut home along the railway track, and I found a girl tied to it. I untied her, and then we had sex over and over again, all the positions, everything!"

    HIs friend replies; "Did you get a blowjob?!"

    "No, I never found her head!"
    Touch my twat.

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