Cyber's Stupid Advice Thread 2012.

[Cyberxion]

Hi guys and dolls! Those of you who have been hanging out on Emuparadise for a long, long, long-ass time might remember that I used to have an advice thread where I'd give you utterly retarded advice for whatever stupid problems you might have had as if I gave half a squirt of piss about you. If you don't remember those threads, you're either suffering from Alzheimer's or you're a relative n00b. I don't really care either way, because I have a wild hair up my ass and the urge to answer whatever stupid questions you have for me in the most ridiculous, condescending manner possible. So pose your questions here, and maybe, just maybe, I'll awake from my drunken stupor and pretend like I give a shit. If you're lucky. Have at it!

[Muscab]

It seems that I'm the first poster, what will I get?

[Cyberxion]

You'll get a gangrenous penis from forgetting to take off that cock-ring that you had on while masturbating to Full House slash-porn just before you surfed on over to Emuparadise. You really should take that thing off when you're done.

[j-sime]

I don't have money and my job pays bad... still I don't wanna look for another job, cos this one is the BEST for learning... what do I do?

[ddrXero64]

I'm sick of the fact most of the female customers at my job are very attractive, but when I'm within earshot all I can hear is news about the latest Jersey Shore episode and the tops they got at Abercrombie and American Eagle.

<insert obvious question for advice>

[killerklown]

my cats keep fucking and i cant afford to get them fixed. what do i do besides eat them?
=

[Elmdor Rizer]

May I please fondle Muscab's gangrenous penis?

[Iamerror]

Help! I'm addicted to Japanese candy! Is there a rehab center for sugar addicts? Should I go?

[Roux!]

Given your drunken stupor, I assume you might know:

Which is the best alcohol...?

I am currently inconclusive, given my lack of experience in the subject matter...

[twistedteafan]

I'm running extremely low on Jergen's what do I do?!?!?

[Tsukasa01]

My brother is sexually-challenged what do you recommend for him ?

[Inferno.]

I have some advice for Cyber. Why bother making a thread like this if you're not planning on being active to reply to it? TROLL!

[skullpoker]

What do i do if I got a hair in my butt, and when I tug it I can feel a pull, or i can just wait and try to poop it out and WTF do i do?

[Zaladane]

I have some advice for Cyber. Why bother making a thread like this if you're not planning on being active to reply to it? TROLL!

How do I convince Elmdor to give me a Mammogram?

[Roux!]

I have some advice for Cyber. Why bother making a thread like this if you're not planning on being active to reply to it? TROLL!

He woke up from his drunken stupor... Any other reason he came on in the first place?