make incredably dirty jokes!!! (not TOO dirty)

[luffy4]

i'll start

how do you find a blind man in a nudist colony
............Its not hard

why did the little sister put fish in her pocket?
............to smell like her older sister

how does ireland seperate the men from the boys? (no offence)
........... with a crowbar



EDIT* YAY 2000th POST!!!!!!!!

[GradyWilson]

OFFENSE indeed, I'm IRISH!!


Offensive, eh? These are older than dirt:

How does a blonde turn on the light after sex?

.....She opens the car door.


What do you call a blonde with a dollar bill taped to her forehead?

.....All-you-can-eat for under a buck!


OK, how about raunchy and offensive?


A man happens upon a quadruple amputee while swimming at the beach one day, a young woman. While walking past her, she called out to him "Excuse me, sir!". She had explained that, due to her unfortunate condition, that she had never been kissed by a boy, and asked if he would be her first. Agreeing, the man gave her a small kiss. As he was on his way, she called back "Sir! Sir! I have never been touched or hugged in any way whatsoever by a man, would you m-i-n-d....?" Feeling an obligation, the man crouched down and wrapped his arms around the woman, briefly. After a small goodbye, the man was finally on his way again. After a few seconds, the woman cried out yet again; " Sir! Please! You have been so kind, and this is really quite embarrassing, but....I......I have never been properly f***ed...!!" Turning back on his heel, the man snatched the woman up in his arms and tossed her into the sea, yelling "NOW you're FUCKED!"

Awful, just awful....I am ashamed...

[luffy4]

that last one is so horrible its awesome

Q. How do you drown a blonde?
A. Put a scratch 'n sniff sticker at the bottom of a pool.

[Kuro Kagami]

A man happens upon a quadruple amputee while swimming at the beach one day, a young woman. While walking past her, she called out to him "Excuse me, sir!". She had explained that, due to her unfortunate condition, that she had never been kissed by a boy, and asked if he would be her first. Agreeing, the man gave her a small kiss. As he was on his way, she called back "Sir! Sir! I have never been touched or hugged in any way whatsoever by a man, would you m-i-n-d....?" Feeling an obligation, the man crouched down and wrapped his arms around the woman, briefly. After a small goodbye, the man was finally on his way again. After a few seconds, the woman cried out yet again; " Sir! Please! You have been so kind, and this is really quite embarrassing, but....I......I have never been properly f***ed...!!" Turning back on his heel, the man snatched the woman up in his arms and tossed her into the sea, yelling "NOW you're FUCKED!"

Awful, just awful....I am ashamed...

This thread is made of winrar

EDIT* YAY 2000th POST!!!!!!!!

Nope, just 1,999

[Englebert3rd]

Ew, Admiral! What's that smell?!
IT'S A CRAP!

[luffy4]

wat the balls? some thread with 5 posts of mine must have been deleted, THIS IS NOW MY 2000th post!!!!

[Rockstar1983]

Well, back on topic... here's a good one that's even safe to tell in front of (most) kids, because it usually goes over their angelic little heads (he he).



Once there was a man who, though not too bright, had a lady-friend he loved very much. And, one day, he decided to buy her a nice present. She was a fancy sorta gal, and loved diamonds and jewels, so he thought he'd try the jewelry store first.

He walked in and said to the jeweler: "I want to buy a present for my girlfriend."

The jeweler, without missing a beat, says "How about a ring for her lovely finger?" The man replied flatly, "That's nice and all, but she got one-a them already."

"Well then," the jeweler continued, "how about a necklace for her pretty neck? Every girl should have a gold necklace."

"She got one-a them, too.", replied the man.

The jeweler, determined to sell this rube SOMETHING, went through his entire stock that afternoon; but at each shiny bauble he offered the man, he heard the same reply of "She got one-a them... she got one-a them, too... she got one-a them..." His patience exhausted, he was fed up with his customer, and simply wanted the man gone from his store; so he decided that his best bet was to offend him.

"Well, SIR," said the jeweler, "how about getting that girl of yours a SKUNK?"

The man, not being the brightest bulb in the box, had never heard of, much less SEEN a skunk... so he asked the jeweler "A skunk, huh? What's that?"

The jeweler replied "It's a furry little animal that smells like hell!"

At this, the man smiled and said: "You know what? She's got one-a THEM, too!"