The worst I done to myself is nicked my hoo-ha with a blunt razor. Why is it worst? Well, I wasn't thinking straight then decided I can just used an antiseptic to patch my cut. BAD IDEA! It made my pain worser. You don't want to know what it feels like to get a cut from your nether-region, and suddenly have someone pour lemon juice all over it. Still, your story is a bit better. Mine is just too mundane. Or maybe that is mundane for you, and you really are weird, like me.
BTW, I hear you can use peanut butter to get gum off your hair.