The Joke Thread

[Elmdor]

meh, not really a joke but a convo with me and my teacher today:

Him: Why Are you late?
Me: I was in the shower.
Him: No one else is late, why did you have to be in there for so long?
Me: I was so dirty.
Him: Why?
Me: It's confidential, I could tell you but then I'd have to kill you.....then he got mad

[Mistral]

No, its just that I haven't gotten any of these jokes... To long.

Three men walk into a bar. One ducks.

[Solidus Joe]

there's a blonde, a brunette and a red head, all three are sailors on this ship, this ship sinks one day, the brunette swims for land but only makes it half of the way there before drowning, the red head makes it 3/4 of the way before drowning, the blonde swims half way there, then decides she's not gonna make it, swims back to the ship and drowns

[ccdart]

So the blonde makes it halfway and then she swims halfway back?
Hah..

[johnny blaze]

How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't...there's a clock on the oven.

[Seraphis Cain]

This thread makes me realize how much I hate jokes.....

Sorry guys.....

[Hangman]

24 hour banking? I don't have time for that...

I can levitate birds; no one cares...

I'm living in a one way dead end street. I don't how I got there...

I've recently got into astronomy, so I installed a skylight. The people in the appartment above me are furious...

I named my dog Stay. He got so confused when I was training him...

Why is it you get a penny for your thoughts, but you have to put your two-cents in? Someone's making a penny...

Steven Wright > You.

[Jase]

Okay here is a funny pick up line:
Me: Hi who you goin
Girl: good yourself?
Me: yeah good thanx, so whats your name?
Girl: my name is kristy and you?
Me: my name is Deach
Girl: LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL what a loser (girl leaves)
Man i love that joke.

[Josh]

Sorry if this offends anyone.

Why are women's feet shorter then men's?
so they can stand closer to the stove and sink

A C and Eflat and a G walk into a bar. The bar tender says sorry I don't serve minors.

2 blondes were in a forest looking for the PERFECT Christmas tree. They looked ALL DAY and it was starting to get dark outside. Finaly one of the blondes said we are going to get the next tree whether it has Christmas lights on it or not.

How can you tell if a blonde has been using the computer?
there is white out all over the screen

[Slim]

A C and Eflat and a G walk into a bar. The bar tender says sorry I don't serve minors.

Fantastic!...

[Paladin_Hammer]

How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't...there's a clock on the oven.

PWNAGE!!!

[polobunny]

How can you tell if a blonde has been using the computer?
there is white out all over the screen

How can you tell the same blonde has used, again, the computer?
She wrote something on the white-out. XD


Ok, highly racist joke comming from my grandpa. Only know this when you got a real winter.

What's the difference between a nigger and a tire?
The tire don't sing blues when we put chains on it.

[Skinner8]

What's the difference between a nigger and a tire?
The tire don't sing blues when we put chains on it.

BEST. JOKE. EVER. EVER. EVER.

[Totti]

Huh... funny

[Deach]

Okay here is a funny pick up line:
Me: Hi who you goin
Girl: good yourself?
Me: yeah good thanx, so whats your name?
Girl: my name is kristy and you?
Me: my name is Deach
Girl: LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL what a loser (girl leaves)
Man i love that joke.

Here's the best joke.

urmom