The Joke Thread

[Imustbcr8zier]

A woman was walking down the street when she was approached by a man. The man said, "I must have you right now! I'll drop $500 on the ground at your feet and in the time it takes for you to pick it up I can have my way with you from behind!"

The woman thought it over and told the man to wait a minute. She called her girlfriend on her cell phone and told her about the man's proposition. Her girlfriend said "When he drops the $500 on the ground I'm sure you can pick it up and run before he gets his pants down. Call me back and tell me what happened."

An hour and a half later the lady called her girlfriend back. "What happened?" the girlfriend asked.

The lady said "He had $500 in quarters!"

[Cybaster]

A woman went to see a fortune teller and asked the teller to see her future. After peering in her crystal ball, the teller looked back up at the woman with a sad look. "I'm afraid I have some bad news for you."

The woman didn't look happy about it. "What is it?"

"Your husband will die tonight."

Then the woman straightened herself, took a deep breath, and spoke up again.

"...Will I be acquitted?"

[ravebo]

A man was in the woods, and as he was enjoying peace and serenity, he was startled by a local tiger. As he was running away from it, he arrived at a cliff, and behind him was the tiger, while below him was another hungry looking tiger. As he leapt down, he grasped on to a branch-on that branch was a strawberry. He plucked the fruit off of the branch, and it was the sweetest strawberry he ever tasted....(credit:King of the Hill)

[Dingy]

A man was in the woods, and as he was enjoying peace and serenity, he was startled by a local tiger. As he was running away from it, he arrived at a cliff, and behind him was the tiger, while below him was another hungry looking tiger. As he leapt down, he grasped on to a branch-on that branch was a strawberry. He plucked the fruit off of the branch, and it was the sweetest strawberry he ever tasted....(credit:King of the Hill)

HAHA!

[Sandman162003]

WOW most of those were hilarious. I can't believe I read all of them.

[Adsij]

Judge asked from hunter:"Why did you kill other hunter, although he said that he's not a moose?"
Hunter told for judge:"I heard that he IS a moose!"


UGH! Not very funny joke

[Winged 2.0]

Q: Two lesbians and two gays are in a race from California to New York. Who wins and why?
A: The lesbians get there lickity-split. The gays are still back home packing their shit.

[Sandman162003]

NIce one Winged! There's something special about gay-jokes that makes them funny no matter what.

[ravers]

A man walks into a bar with a paper bag. He sits down and places the bag on the counter. The bartender walks up and asks
what's in the bag.

The man reaches into the bag and pulls out a little man, about one foot high and sets him on the counter. He reaches back into the bag and pulls out a small piano, setting it on the counter as well. He reaches into the bag once again and pulls out a tiny
piano bench, which he places in front of the piano. The little man sits down at the piano and starts playing a beautiful piece by Mozart!

"Where on earth did you get that?" says the bartender.

The man responds by reaching into the paper bag. This time he pulls out a magic lamp. He hands it to the bartender and says: "Here. Rub it."

So the bartender rubs the lamp, and suddenly there's a gust of smoke and a beautiful genie is standing before him.

"I will grant you one wish. Just one wish .. each person is only allowed one!"

The bartender gets real excited. Without hesitating he says, "I want a million bucks!" A few moments later, a duck walks into the
bar. It is soon followed by another duck, then another. Pretty soon, the entire bar is filled with ducks and they keep coming!

The bartender turns to the man and says, "Y'know, I think your genie's a little deaf. I asked for a million bucks, not a
million ducks."

"Tell me about it!!" says the man, "do you really think I asked for a 12 inch pianist?"

[Jackhammer]

Q: Why did god give women orgasms ?

A: So they would have something else to moan about.

[hannanshah]

I am a Muslim and I think this is a good joke.

A man is taking a walk in Central park in New York. Suddenly he sees a little girl being attacked by a pit bull dog . He runs over and starts fighting with the dog. He succeeds in killing the dog and saving the girl's life. A policeman who was watching the scene walks over and says: "You are a hero, tomorrow you can read it in all the newspapers: "Brave New Yorker saves the life of little girl" The man says: - "But I am not a New Yorker!" "Oh ,then it will say in newspapers in the morning: 'Brave American saves life of little girl'" � the policeman answers. "But I am not
an American!" � says the man. "Oh, what are you then? " The man says: - "I am a Saudi !" The next day the newspapers says: "Islamic extremist kills innocent American dog.

[polobunny]

Dunno if i ever said it, that's not a "joke" to say so, simply a funny moment of someone life.


You know how guys are when talking about girls, everything is about the body.
So, soon enough, every boy in the gang had sex with some girl, except one.
That one boy, was the "lone wolf" type, never wanting help and also kinda secluded from teenagers usual life.

One day, he came at school saying he finally had sex with a girl. He said it was good and everything, and obviously other boys asked more explicit details about the girl breast size and such stuff.
After answering every question the gang members might have, he said he was very proud of himself (the girl not being a total zombie) but he had some small problems.
First, he said that he found out he was rather bad at sex, but everyone said they weren't that great either on the first time. That made him look a bit better.

Then he stated out that it was hard to put a condom...
No one said a word, waiting for more "details" about how it could be hard to put a condom.
He then continued saying he had a damn hard time putting his testicles in the condom.
The gang members laughed.


XD ROFFLE!!!

[Sprung]

Dunno if i ever said it, that's not a "joke" to say so, simply a funny moment of someone life.


You know how guys are when talking about girls, everything is about the body.
So, soon enough, every boy in the gang had sex with some girl, except one.
That one boy, was the "lone wolf" type, never wanting help and also kinda secluded from teenagers usual life.

One day, he came at school saying he finally had sex with a girl. He said it was good and everything, and obviously other boys asked more explicit details about the girl breast size and such stuff.
After answering every question the gang members might have, he said he was very proud of himself (the girl not being a total zombie) but he had some small problems.
First, he said that he found out he was rather bad at sex, but everyone said they weren't that great either on the first time. That made him look a bit better.

Then he stated out that it was hard to put a condom...
No one said a word, waiting for more "details" about how it could be hard to put a condom.
He then continued saying he had a damn hard time putting his testicles in the condom.
The gang members laughed.


XD ROFFLE!!!

[tilalova]

Q: What did the mexican gangster said when his house fell on him?
A: Get off me "homes"

[grashopa]

How many blonds does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

One, but it ain't going where its supposed to.