Who are you in reality and who would you be if given the chance?

[J]

The topic is clear. How would you describe yourself... who you are, and if given the chance, who would you like to be. Don't make direct comparisons to millionaires, movie stars and such, just explain what kind of life would you live if given a second chance to change it. Your ambitions and aspirations... If not, explain why you are happy with it as it is.

I will explain later why. And i will post my own description later. Please be honest with the information you write down. This is made to do some introspection in relation to our ambitions... and share with others what we would do if given a second chance. if you don't want to, don't post... but if you read try to tell about yourself. Thank you for your interest. Now I go.

[Drageuth]

I am a 16 year old single male who has attempted suicide no less than six times, each time being found out before it was too late. I visit a psychiatrist on a regular basis (3 times a week) and a therapist on a not so regular basis (about once a month).

I enjoy old school Nintendo games because of the nostalgic factor they bring me, reminding me of the days when I was a kid and was pretty much carefree, save for a few domestic problems. I have a severe affection for the things and thus collect complete in box games at whatever the price. My current collection is 43 games, excluding doubles.

I have been in love and know exactly what it's like to lose someone you love. One of the main reasons was a distance problem, and the fact that she found someone else. While I'm still happy for her, it brings a torrent of pain that I think will always be there no matter what happens in the long run.

I have few friends. I don't like them; they get in the way. Especially the friends I seem to attract; the kind who are mostly about themselves and can't take enough time to remember, say, someone's birthday. As has happened the past 4 years of my life. Better be different this year or I'm going to slaughter somoene. Preferably Cyberxion.

I hate responsibility and will shun it at all costs. The prospect of someone looking up to me scares me. I hate society; I basically need someone to come with me if I ever really get out of the house because I have an intense phobia against going places alone. I'm sure it has a name, but I'm not sure what it is. The last time I was out of the house without someone either meeting me very near or accompanying me the entire way was 5th grade, almost 6 years ago.

While we're on the topic of my childhood, I'll add that I grew up in a rather messed up environment. Not like Schutzstaffel, but fu</>cked up in it's own little way. My parents always forced me into social gatherings whenever they felt I was being too isolated, which is sad considering the fact that I'm not much of a social person; I'm a loner by nature. I was always uncomfortable. I grew up with 1 friend from 1st grade to 5th grade, where him and I took on different interests and gradually stopped hanging out. I grew up and saw the world as it was from my perspective, and he had his own family problems and gave him a rather negative outlook on life.

That was when I started hanging out with Spencer McT. He is currently my best friend, although he still lives in Alberta where as I moved to British Columbia in 8th grade (2 and a half years ago). It was rather depressing when I moved, and I really miss it. While I have more friends out here, it's not the same - I was finally known as something back there, and was finally able to fit in. It took me almost 8 years to be able to socially fit into a group of people. McT was the one who really started that - at first, I was known as "Spencer's friend" or, in chatrooms that we went to, "Moe's friend," and that made me something - Spencer was the popular one, the guy everyone got along with.

Let's see. 6th grade, I was hanging around with Spencer and a new friend, Kyle. We were pretty close, but nothing amazing; just some friends who hung out and played videogames. It wasn't until 7th grade when everything sort of escalated. We all went to a new school, and there met a bunch of new friends, which currently consist of: Braden, Lance, Kyle, Kyle H, Woodie (James), Rettmer, Titosky, Spencer and myself. We would have a blast together. And since I was part of this social clique that were actually fairly popular among everyone else, I was accepted. It felt good; I think I never could let go of that feeling, as I enjoy being accepted by my peers now, where as before I just didn't care. Which is probably why I'll cling around EP until the very end - I need the feeling that people accept me for who I am, which is what most of the people here do.

Hmm. After 7th grade, my father applied for a promotion and was transfered out to the Duke Point (Nanaimo) Nexen Chemicals Plant as the operations superintendent. I moved to the island and began a slow withdrawl into depression, since I really did - and still do - miss my friends. I can't get back there enough to really make anything of it, and now only Spencer and I still really talk. Sometimes Rettmer as well.

Thus ended my career of being popular. I shall never achieve it again, since I sort of had to leech the popularity off others. That was my school life. My home life was different.

My parents used to beat me when I was a kid if I fu</>cked up. My mother was usually the one to do it; she was a very angry person, always slaving around the house trying to keep it spotless, which I hated anyways. She really needed a job to help her cool down, and now that she has one it's not so bad. I remember a few times when I was beat over the head with a water bottle - full - or whipped in the back with an extension cord. It all depends on what she had in her hands.

Dr. Lin things it's important that I discuss my upbringing with others. I think she's crazy, but whatever. It wasn't all bad - there are a lot of times when we have fun. We went camping a lot and I developed an affinity with fishing. We went to movies together and spent days eating pizza and renting stuffs. They help me save up for something important to me and provide me with some things that are essential to my life, such as this computer. Of course, they also reserve the right to take it away, which they have excerised several times.

What else..? I despise my parents, because of the way they treated me when I was a kid and always favored my brother. I think they realize this now; either that or Andj00 is never around enough for them to pamper, so they've started doing so with me. He's home twice a week nowadays...

Hmm... now, who would I want to be like? Actually, I would hate to be anyone famous. It represents something that I'm totally against which shall simply be labeled as trendwhoring (not the art style). Trendwhoring being trend - current style and whore - A person considered as having compromised principles for personal gain. Thus creating people who simply do what is popular because it will make them popular. Thus, by wishing I was someone popular I would be wishing that I was something that was represented as a momentary icon of fame and fortune and good luck instead of earning my way to that position myself.

Thus, erm... I wish I was free of this accursed acne and these damned braces. I look like a social reject.

I also hate talking about myself. So... goodbye!! *flees*

[Cyberxion]

That was very revealing. I now know that there actually is someone out to kill me. It was just paranoia before today, now I know it wasn't unfounded.

Meh, I'll update this post with some personal information later. I guess.

[LitBolt]

Hm... This is an interesting topic. Now, lets see...

First off, I HATE SCHOOL. Now, that may not be an unusual thing, however, I hate it with such an enduring and unbreakable passion that I can't do anything in it. From pre-school, I never liked school. Through elementary school, my parents would have to sit for hours and try to get me to do my homework (much as they have to do with my sister now). I'm truely amazed I haven't been held back yet, though this year it may happen. I only just recently found something to aim for (thanks to Evil Ryu), and I intend to follow it, but unless I'm actually interested in something, I just won't do it. I can't even force myself to... I don't know how to explain it. Given the chance, I would try to do a bit better in school... I would hate it just as much, but at least be able to do something in it, rather than being paralized with rage at it's prospect.

Second, I'm shy. In this area, I have no complaint, however. --
People with schizoid personality disorder avoid relationships and do not show much emotion. They genuinely prefer to be alone and do not secretly wish for popularity. They tend to seek jobs that require little social contact. Their social skills are often weak and they do not show a need for attention or acceptance. They are perceived as humorless and distant and often are termed "loners." -- Just as it says, I like being alone. I enjoy the company of people I know, but there's no disadvantage to being alone, either. I don't really care what others think of me, especially if it's negitive. After being bullied every day for three years straight, then turning around and doing something about it without it invlving physical retaliation, I managed to see that it didn't really matter what they thought. Anyway, as it is right now, I like who I am in this regard.

Being only 16, I don't have any real regrets in terms of my past. I still have time to do all that I need to to be happy in life. I just hope I can find it in me to do it...

I like to play video games a lot. I am also an avid hater of people who blindly blame them for all sorts of problems that may or may not be related to them. Such as columbine - They may have used Quake to practice, but it was still THEIR decision to go through with it, not the game's. My favorite game is probably Veiwtiful Joe, though that changes quite frequently. I'm more of a console collector than a game collector, and I have: NES, SNES, N64, GCN, GBA, Genesis, Saturn, Dreamcast, Atari 2600 and 7800, Atari Lynx, GameGear, Game.com, PS2, Xbox, and a GameBoy Pocket. None of which I deserve in my opinon, because of the aforementioned school issue, but I'm not exactly complaining, either.

[Drageuth]

Originally posted by Cyberxion
That was very revealing. I now know that there actually is someone out to kill me. It was just paranoia before today, now I know it wasn't unfounded.

Meh, I'll update this post with some personal information later. I guess.

Heehee. I was just kiddin', kiddo.
@Litbolt: my psychiatrist (Dr. Lin) says I have schizoid personality disorder. Thought it was very surprising that I work in a retirement home.

[karragh]

Wow um, that was fairly revealing from tourniquet,your new name really fits.
I might post here later, If I don't it's not because I'm embaressed to talk about myself but I'm possibly too lazy.

[Cyberxion]

Originally posted by Tourniquet
Heehee. I was just kiddin', kiddo.

Oh, I'm sure you were, but given the mood I'm in right now, I just might do it myself.

[Drageuth]

/me laughs.
Don't do that. You'll end up being just as much of an idiot as I am. 'Sides, you're a great guy. I love bashing you to no end, though.

[Cyberxion]

Originally posted by Tourniquet
/me laughs.
Don't do that. You'll end up being just as much of an idiot as I am. 'Sides, you're a great guy. I love bashing you to no end, though.

I get that man, I really do. But y'know, if we all can't laugh at me, then who can we laugh at?

[Drageuth]

Litbolt?
Robin Williams? He's a funny guy. Laugh at him.
Don't make me stick other miscellanous objects up my nose and prance around like a prick.

[LitBolt]

Originally posted by Tourniquet
Litbolt?
Robin Williams? He's a funny guy. Laugh at him.
Don't make me stick other miscellanous objects up my nose and prance around like a prick.

That's... interesting. Sorry, I didn't know what to say.

[Dark Neighbour]

oh, well, since this thread is off topic, i might as well try to send it back on. I'm a 17 (or soon to be) year old student in Australia, in a small rural town of Narromine. I have an interest in I.T. and hope to take it futher, but some people have said that i have a good voice for singing, so ive taken it up. (teach' says ive got talent!) many people think i am depressed, because i never seem happy, whatever i am doing. the problem is, ive never learnt how to have fun, cause everyone seemed to find the fun in me, instead of anywhere else... i play heaps of games, but because of my un-forgiving girlfriend, i have had to cut back somewhat (3 games of Battlefield a day instead of 4) i have a gamecube for fun, and my brother steals his PS2 and takes it to Uni. my girlfriend is a nice enough person, once you get to know her. its just getting to know her thats the problem. can can be extremely mean to everyone around me, she tends to kick someone in the shins (or balls...) if they get on her bad side, so its best to keep clear of her, especially around the middle of each month. we have been going out for a little over 6 months now, and she gets to go over to america because she can sing (she won a contest that she didn't tell me about...) being 17 (close enough!!) i have only one regret over my life, and id rather not get into to much detail, its not pretty. the only people who i really talk to (about my problems and such) is my cousin and my girlfriend. with such a small group of friends i have (some further afield then others) i dont really have much support to get when the shit REALLY hits the fan.Given half a chance, id probably be some rich person, with rugged good looks and a BMW. id sell the BMW and get a real car (Holden Monaro) and then spend all my money on crap... there i said it...

[Harmony]

snip~

[crusher]

I'm a 19 years old lone wolf. I like to be alone most of the time, and I don't say much. My parents have to "drag the words out of my mouth", as they say. When I talk to someone I usually talk to my brother or sometimes my sister. No emotion talk though. I can't handle that.
I do have friends and I talk to them now and then. But as I said before, I usually want to be alone. Dunno why, I just like the sound of absolutely nothing.
My best friend though, is probably my dog. She's always happy and never does anything bad against me.

That's about everything you need to know about me.

[Urn]

Im 16. I learn at school.
When ill finish it (this year) ill go to polytechnick university.
I love manga, anime, JRPG and hardcore music.
My plans for the future : im going to be a programmer.
Also im creating my band now and soon well start 2 play.
In real life im pretty angry. And im communist.