Funny/Wierd Pharases & Quotes.

[Bagel]

"I love signing autographs. I'll sign anything but veal cutlets. My ballpoint pen slips on veal cutlets." Casey Stengel



Ok....

[Kazuya]

"Common sense is not so common, the process of the rivers to the oceans is not so rapid as that of man to error."" - philosopher Voltaire

[Drageuth]

"I have undertaen a labor, a labor out of love for the world and to comfort nobles: those that I hold dear, and the world to which my heart goes out. Not the comon world do I mean, of those who (as I have heard) cannot bear grief and desire but to bathe in bliss. Their world and manner of life my tale does not regard: its life and mine lie apart. Another world do I hold in mind, which bears together in heart's delight and its pain of longing, dear life and sorrowful death, dear death and sorrowful life. In this world let me have my world, to be damned with it, or to be saved."
- Gottfried Von Straussburg.

A little lengthy, but that last sentence is the highlight.

In this world let me have my world, to be damned with it, or to be saved.

[DeathChicken]

"If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record." - FCC chairman Mark Fowler

[Javert]

"As most men know, the reason to live is for the orgasm."

Dr. M.
Rutgers Professor (During class! )

[Cosmic]

Here's one from an episode of 'Buffy The Vampire Slayer' that was on TV last night:

Cordelia: What does this one do?

Giles: It removes its victim's vital organs.

Cordelia: Hey, what does this one do?

Giles: It sucks the life out of its prey.

Cordelia: And what does this one do?

Giles: (getting annoyed) It keeps asking annoying questions to cause delay and so it doesn't have to do any work!

Cordelia: Wow, there's a demon for everything!

[Zuljin]

lol
yes i've seen that episode

[KnightofNachos]

*Family sits down for prayer before eating*

"Dear Lord, we paid for all this ourselves, so thanks for nothing, amen."


Bart Simpson, Simpsons.

[Isostealer]

I saw this in someones sig

fighting on the internet is like competing in the special olympics.If you win you're still retarded.

[KnightofNachos]

Originally posted by coolwinners
I saw this in someones sig

fighting on the internet is like competing in the special olympics.If you win you're still retarded.

Yes, apart from "All your base", that is the most common, cliche saying that was funny the first 5000 times you heard it.

[Bagel]

Here's a few epitaphs(the poems on gravestones)

Sacred to the memory of
Anthony Drake
Who died for peace and
quietness sake
His wife was constantly
scoldin' and scoffin'
So he sought for repose in a
12 dollar coffin

Here lieth Mary, the wife of
John Ford
We hope her soul is gone to
the Lord.
But if for Hell she has changed
this life,
She would rather be there
than be John Ford's wife

Here lies the body of Anna
Done to death by a banana
It wasn't the fruit that laid her low,
but the skin of the thing that made her go