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Need a bit more information. For example is your sister aware you know about this? Is she likely to honestly tell you what's going on if you ask her, or would you be confronted with protestations of "YOU DON'T KNOW HIM LIKE I KNOW HIM"? Because the latter obviously makes the situation about ten times trickier, and in such a case the first thing I'd do is ask any mutual acquaintances if they've noticed any abuse or strange behaviour from the boyfriend.
Jesus christ I hope she knows I'm aware. I mean they were basically in the same room as me.Quote:
Originally Posted by Cosmic
I told her that I didn't think I would be able to stop myself from getting into a fight with him if it happened again and she said that maybe I should go back to my grandmothers. Idk.
:inout:
Ciao.Quote:
Originally Posted by deadlegion
Here's the problem, man. You can either deal with it with him, deal with it with her, or leave it alone. You can't do more than two of those things. EVER. I have a friend who is my world who has dealt with some form of abuse with almost all of her exes. If I ever encountered any of them, I would handle them. Especially one who thought it would be a good idea to try to abuse her now that they're not together.Quote:
Originally Posted by The Wyrm
My point is this:
You can either end it for him (usually involves violence or the authorities, since words rarely work)
Have her end it (very unlikely since abusers are extremely compelling and usually have HUNDREDS of hooks in their victim)
Or leave it alone and watch a repeat of your parents.
Personally, I would handle him personally and leave an ultimatum with him and her.
you should at least let him know that your not going to tolerate abuse of any form, if you go decking him it gives him the power to make you look like the bad guy, which you probably want to avoid.Quote:
Originally Posted by The Wyrm
Yeah, you have to explain your stance before you knock his bitch ass out. :wacko:Quote:
Originally Posted by Joe Blog
A chance to run before you roll your sleevesQuote:
Originally Posted by brit
If it happened while you were there then it's possible that he's stressed or something :shrug:Quote:
Originally Posted by The Wyrm
It's verbal and nothing physical, yeah?
I'm not making excuses.......but sometimes even decent people can act out of character.
They will usually apologise quickly and genuinely try to make up for it though.
If he's like that a fair bit and now he's doing it in front of other people........then it's a problem that should be dealt with in some way.
I can't give you any advice on what to do, I contributed to my sister's divorce (her first marriage).
The biggest problem with a confrontation is Wyrm risks pushing his sister closer to the guy. The first thing any abuser will do in that situation is try to isolate the victim from friends, family and any sort of support network - which, judging by her reaction to Wyrm's comment, is a definite danger here. I think the softly softly approach is going to be better here. Make sure your sister knows there are people who love her and will always be there for her no matter what happens. Make your concerns known, and make sure other people are aware of them too. If the relationship is abusive then unfortunately that's something she needs to realise for herself. Until she recognises she's in an unhealthy situation and needs to get out, any sort of physical confrontation or ultimatum is going to result in her telling you to mind your own business and possibly cutting you out completely, which is the last thing you want to happen.
Yeah, that's what I mean. You have to make it clear to BOTH parties. You can't go to one or the other. You have to make sure he knows he's fucked up and make sure that she knows he's fucked up. That's what I meant when I said abusers are extremely compelling and have hundreds of hooks. It has to be done delicately but decisively. You can't dither about and you can't falter. You can't be accusatory with her, though. You can't be accusatory of either of them while talking to her.Quote:
Originally Posted by Cosmic
Kinda late, I don't know if you want to keep talking about it, Wyrm, but if you let me ask it, how old are they? and is your sister aware of your father's behaviour? It's entirely fine if you want to leave it here, I understand it.
Without having to resort to violence or fights, if it happens again and you are with them, voice yourself in a calmed way, without blaming him so he doesn't feel attacked and she doesn't feel you are attacking him, offering a solution to defuse the situation. Once they are calmed, and she's alone, try to talk with her in that same way to make her realize that that's no way to be treated. Use yourself and other family and friends close to her as example, you love her but would never treat her like that. She needs to feel you are supporting her despite any problem that may arise.
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Originally Posted by TheRealSpiders
:lol
I was lying, started playing it again. I have to ensure that I get my N7 pack in multiplayer. :wacko: