Because Acapella.
That and I swear he has some resemblance to Jesus.
"I am... Sheik. One of the last of the Sheikah tribe..."
I can't pull myself away I need intervention!
Know that feel, I'm a total queen about butt comfort. If your bike has a removable seat (which most do afaik) you can swap it out for a more comfortable one. The last bike I owned I actually swapped the seat with one from one of those stationary exorcise bikes and it was the best thing evar.
The scary road thing idk, maybe wear a sign that says 'I'm really poor please don't rob me' written in dollar store marker?
It's time for bed, But I don't want to go SHIT I FORGOT ABOUT THE TEA ON THE STOVE