If we're to believe half your claims regarding your lengendary exploits, then it's likely that you've managed to get a VD or two from your one night stands with both the Lock Ness Monster and Bigfoot. So to quell the burning in your loins, as well as keep yourself from masturbating, might I suggest that you sever your penis and sell it to science?
I'm sure that some enterprising young scientist would be more than willing to take your wang off of your hands, both literally and figuratively, in order to glean some incite into the sexual habits of those fabeled monsters, as well as those nifty new VDs that only they could give you. It'd net you some cash and solve all your problems, and it also benefits science. So why not do it?
