All I want for christmas is you: An erotic EP novella - You know it's a good idea!

[Elmdor Rizer]

"This one doesn't look too good on me. Geez, what should I wear? What SHOULD I wear!?", I thought to myself, before pondering if I should take a class on which words to emphasize when thinking about stuff.

Anyhow, no time for that, it was time for the annual Christmas party. Despite working - though I mostly just sit around in my office masturbating excessively or writing Contra fanfiction - at EP for, like, a bunch of years this would be my first time going. Well, it was the first time I had been invited, lots of cancellations apparently. Naturally I wanted to make a good impression on the higher-ups and, more importantly, I wanted to, heh, leave my mark on... well, on him.

Seeing as it would be a dress-up affair I was looking at cocktail dresses and after a couple of hours I eventually found one that was just right for me. It highlighted my rubenesque curves and barely covered my nipples. Yup, this one would definitely make me the, uh, main attraction tonight. "I wonder if they also can teach me better metaphors", I said to myself - a bit too loudly, it must be admitted - just as I was putting on my skimpy, black lace thong in the parking lot outside the HQ.

"Oh, hiya!", he said just as I entered. “You like?”, I asked as I turned around to let him get the full view. His voice had suddenly gotten husky. “Oh... you... yeah… why the hell are you wearing a dress, Elmdor?", he replied. So predictable, I knew he was going to say that. I had planned this for weeks. And I knew EXACTLY what I wanted to do with him. Hah, got that one right, I think! Also, the fuck shouldn't I wear a dress to a party? Damn hetero-norms.

“Let’s dance,” I said. I took his hand and led him to the dance floor for a slow one. Well, there wasn't any music playing but no matter, I couldn't deviate from the plan. I held him close, one arm around him, reaching for his sweet ass, the other holding his right hand against my groin. "WANNAFUK?”, I shouted - softly in his ear, just before sticking my tongue in there. Looking intently into my eyes, he said, “Yeah, whatever”. Man, it was ON! I put my left hand behind my back and made the signal.

Just before it happened, my eyes dropped to his crotch. I wanted to see if his bulge had started growing. Didn't seem like it had. "My one regret in life will be that I never got to see his cock grow hard", I thought. Actually, I realized I had wanted more than that. I wished he would've hurried and put his hand up my dress. If he just could've been quick there had been time for him to feel up my hot, soaking ass. "Man, why didn't he go right for the sweet-spot?", I asked myself - again waaaay too loudly.

He was just about to open his mouth - we'll never know if it was to kiss me passionately or to ask why I was talking to myself - and then it happened. The arrow from a crossbow pierced his skull. He died instantly and fell to the ground. Blood splattered all over my cocktail dress... how rude. But never mind that, the important thing was his demise. Sprung was no more.

"THAT'S WHAT YOU GET FOR PLAYING GOD WITH THE INVITES!", I screamed - sadly a tad bit too quietly. I turned around and looked over at crusher. Deadly little crusher... such a good shot. I pulled my dress to the side, revealing a perfect nipple. "You have no idea how badly I want to fuck you right now", I said. He replied "kthanx" and we went upstairs. It was a fairly sordid affair, but nothing too exciting. 6/10 or something like that.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Iamerror]

Funny story. When will this be released?

[Gypsy]

SPRUNG NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

[Ragnar]

Oh good, homosexual fanfiction for Christmas. Because we don't give out coal anymore?

[deadlegion]

I call dibs on Sprung's Harley.

[Iamerror]

Dibs on his harley ring.

[Cookie Monster]

5* Would read again.

Although it's clear it's a fanfic because I'm pretty sure crushy is no archer in FFXIV

[Jackhammer]

I call dibs on Sprung's Harley.

Spoiler warning:

pppw2.jpg

[Elmdor Rizer]

Part II

My sordid session with crusher had ended all too quickly - he is called the nimble one, after all - so I headed downstairs and went back to the party. People were generally having a good time, drinking beer out of Sprung's skull and using one of his arms to slapp Jazz. Man, did he deserve a good slapping? So anyhow, I couldn't really enjoy myself because I kept thinking about that nimble one bit. "Did people actually use to call crusher that, or was it just me? Maybe Ru? Is "nimble" really a proper substitute for "coming fast, all over my face"? Man, I should purchase one of them thesauruses.

After surfing book shops on my cell for a bit I had a short chat with Belzeebub. After we had both criticized Deadlegions moderating skills - for no other reason than being total asses - I suggested a good old fashioned game of spin-the-bottle. Ray pulled his bottle out of Sprung and took some sort of odd victory sip before handing it over to me. I spun the bottle, it did its little spinny thing, and ended up pointing at Tanthias. "Sa-weeet!", I though to myself, while Tan mostly just looked terrified. He was, although, smiling but it was more of a "OH DEAR LORD WHAT HAVE I DONE TO DESERVE THIS!?!?"-smile than a happy one. I decided to go easy on him, so I leaned in and merely gave him a sloppy one, that only lasted a minute or two.

After releasing his cock from my mouth I had to endure the waiting game, since the damn bottle kept pointing at other people. The bottle rotated, Ragnar performed his trademark rimjob on Gobby. Spinspin, Milday had to motorboat Brit, which was all sorts of weird. It was mostly standard stuff really, and I was getting a bit bored. Although I must confess I was rather impressed with Jack's ability to perform auto-fellatio after having the bottle stop, pointing at himself.

Anyhow, things were about to get steamy. Yeah, even without the thesaurus I felt pretty confident about that whole steamy-deal. Mhm. It was Inferno's turn to spin, the bottle rotated a few times, and slowly started to wind down. Slowly, slowly, it turned before finally stopping in front of me. Right at my crotch, actually. "Alrighty, sweetheart, let's do it!" he said, as he turned to face me. I gave him a little nod, to let him know I was game.

His lips moved in and covered mine. After just a second, his tongue was halfway down my throat. Even so, it wasn't a noisy, sloppy kiss. It was just gentle but still passionate. He was exploring. I looked down on his tight body and could clearly see that his nipples were straining, popping out of his coral top. His hand slowly moved down, on my waist and down further. He was still going over my panties though, all very gentleman-like, which really disappointed me. I decide to up the ante. I shifted a bit, moving my knees a bit further apart. He picked up the pace and he started to move his fingers in a circular motion. My body started to go limp, with my breathing rapidly increasing. I was about to cum.

Realizing now could would be my last shot I clinched my teeth and hit him square in the face with my balled fist. "THAT'S WHAT YOU GET FOR NOT LIKING THE MEGAMAN GAMES FOR NES!", I shouted in pretty much the appropriate volume. The party became sort of awkward for a while afterwards. Inferno kept sulking about his broken nose, and Jack wouldn't stop doing his auto-fellatio thing. Personally, I masturbated to Gypsy and King discussing fighting game techniques because nerds are really hot.

MERRY CHRISTMAS AGAIN!!!