Page 2 of 4 FirstFirst 1234 LastLast
Results 16 to 30 of 52

Thread: Jokes Thread

  1. #16
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Location
    HTTP_404
    Posts
    635
    Thanks
    4
    Thanked 48 Times in 38 Posts
    EP Points
    15

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Mohit View Post
    what does ok actually means?
    Zero Kills?

  2. #17
    Join Date
    May 2011
    Location
    New Delhi
    Posts
    943
    Thanks
    110
    Thanked 78 Times in 46 Posts
    Blog Entries
    8
    EP Points
    40

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Muscab View Post
    Zero Kills?
    ok

  3. #18
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Location
    Kentucky,USA
    Posts
    1,036
    Thanks
    161
    Thanked 99 Times in 82 Posts
    EP Points
    5

    Default

    A beautiful woman loved growing tomatoes, but couldn't seem to get her tomatoes to turn red. One day, while taking a stroll, she came upon a gentleman neighbor who had the most beautiful garden full of huge red tomatoes.

    The woman asked the gentlemen, "What do you do to get your tomatoes so red?"

    The gentlemen responded, "Well, twice a day I stand in front of my tomato garden naked in my trench coat and flash them. My tomatoes turn red from blushing so much."

    Well, the woman was so impressed; she decided to try doing the same thing to her tomato garden to see if it would work. So twice a day for two weeks she flashed her garden hoping for the best.

    One day the gentleman was passing by and asked the woman, "By the way, how did you make out? Did your tomatoes turn red?"


    No", she replied, "but my cucumbers are enormous."

    There is a difference between ignorance and stupidity ignorant people can be taught
    stupid people need to be shot.

  4. #19
    Join Date
    Oct 2011
    Location
    Somewhere In The Twilight Zone
    Posts
    29
    Thanks
    4
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Knightshade View Post
    A beautiful woman loved growing tomatoes, but couldn't seem to get her tomatoes to turn red. One day, while taking a stroll, she came upon a gentleman neighbor who had the most beautiful garden full of huge red tomatoes.

    The woman asked the gentlemen, "What do you do to get your tomatoes so red?"

    The gentlemen responded, "Well, twice a day I stand in front of my tomato garden naked in my trench coat and flash them. My tomatoes turn red from blushing so much."

    Well, the woman was so impressed; she decided to try doing the same thing to her tomato garden to see if it would work. So twice a day for two weeks she flashed her garden hoping for the best.

    One day the gentleman was passing by and asked the woman, "By the way, how did you make out? Did your tomatoes turn red?"


    No", she replied, "but my cucumbers are enormous."
    hahahaha XD

  5. #20
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Location
    Kentucky,USA
    Posts
    1,036
    Thanks
    161
    Thanked 99 Times in 82 Posts
    EP Points
    5

    Default

    A guy is in the market for a used motorcycle. He always wanted a big Harley. He shops around, answering ads in the newspaper, and is not having much luck. One day he comes across a beautiful classic Harley with a for sale" sign on it. Upon inspection, he is amazed to find the bike in mint condition. He inquires about it with the owner.

    "This bike is beautiful! I'll take it. But you gotta tell me how you keep it in such good shape.

    "Well," says the seller, "it's pretty simple. Just make sure that if the bike is outside and it's going to rain, rub Vaseline on the chrome. It protects it from the rain. In fact, since you're buying the bike I won't need my tube of Vaseline anymore. Here, you can have it." and he hands the buyer a tube of Vaseline.

    The guy buys the bike and off he goes, a happy biker. He takes the bike over to show his girlfriend. She's ecstatic (being a Harley fan).

    That night, he decides to ride the bike over to his girlfriend's parents' house. It's the first time he's going to meet them and figures it will make a big impression. When the couple gets to the house, the girlfriend grabs her boyfriend's arm.

    "Honey," she says, "I gotta tell you something about my parents before we go in. When we eat dinner, we don't talk. In fact, the person who says anything during dinner has to do the dishes."

    "No problem," he says. And in they go.

    The boyfriend is astounded. Right smack in the middle of the living room is a huge stack of dirty dishes. In the family room, another huge stack of dishes. Piled up the stairs, dirty dishes. In fact, everywhere he looks, dirty dishes. They sit down to dinner and, sure enough, no one says a word.

    As dinner progresses, the boyfriend, now that he's a Harley Rebel, decides to take advantage of the situation. So he leans over and kisses his girlfriend. No one says a word. So he decides to reach over and unbutton her shirt. He looks at her parents, but still they keep quiet.

    So he stands up, grabs his girlfriend, and has his way with her right there on the dinner table. Still, no one says a word!

    "Her Mom's kinda cute", he thinks. So he grabs his girlfriend's Mom and also has his way with her right there on the dinner table. Again, total silence.

    Then, a few raindrops hit the window and the boyfriend realizes it's starting to rain. He figures he'd better take care of the motorcycle, so he pulls the Vaseline from his pocket.

    Suddenly the father stands up and shouts: "All right, all right! I'll do the damn dishes.

    There is a difference between ignorance and stupidity ignorant people can be taught
    stupid people need to be shot.

  6. #21
    Join Date
    May 2011
    Location
    Massachusetts, USA
    Posts
    99
    Thanks
    10
    Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by ddrXero64 View Post
    ooh lol time to crank out the really bad jokes I've made.

    Why did Rihanna sue Pizza Hut?
    Quote Originally Posted by Mohit View Post
    why?
    Just to answer it now since i forgot about this thread long ago...

    her pizza was crisp brown.


  7. #22
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Location
    Bug-Tussel, WI
    Posts
    467
    Thanks
    60
    Thanked 593 Times in 43 Posts
    EP Points
    2145

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by ddrXero64 View Post
    Just to answer it now since i forgot about this thread long ago...

    her pizza was crisp brown.

    That's pretty good. I thought it was going to be something about Mozzarella-eh-eh-ella-ella....

    EDIT: This thread hasn't seen a post in a bit, so here's an attempt at revival:

    Two blondes walk into a bar... you'd think one of 'em would have seen it coming.
    Last edited by Rockstar1983; 16th-May-2012 at 23:22.
    *If my post was helpful, click the star in the lower left corner of it to say "Thanks".
    *My username will unlock my uploads, if a password is needed.
    *Games, Guitars, or Girls... choose any two.

  8. #23
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Location
    Kentucky,USA
    Posts
    1,036
    Thanks
    161
    Thanked 99 Times in 82 Posts
    EP Points
    5

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Rockstar1983 View Post
    That's pretty good. I thought it was going to be something about Mozzarella-eh-eh-ella-ella....

    EDIT: This thread hasn't seen a post in a bit, so here's an attempt at revival:

    Two blondes walk into a bar... you'd think one of 'em would have seen it coming.
    you requested more jokes I supply here you go.

    Donation

    Father O'Malley answers the phone. 'Hello, is this Father O'Malley?'

    'It is!'

    'This is the Internal Revenue Service . Can you help us?'

    'I can!'

    'Do you know a Ted Houlihan?'

    'I do!'

    'Is he a member of your congregation?'

    'He is!'

    'Did he donate $10,000 to the church?'

    'He will.'


    Confession

    An elderly man walks into a confessional. The following conversation ensues:

    Man: 'I am 92 years old, have a wonderful wife of 70 years, many children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren. Yesterday, I picked up two college girls, hitch-hiking. We went to a motel, where I had sex with each of them three times.'

    Priest: 'Are you sorry for your sins?'

    Man: 'What sins?'

    Priest: 'What kind of a Catholic are you?'

    Man: 'I'm Jewish.'

    Priest: 'Why are you telling me all this?'

    Man: 'I'm 92 years old ..... I'm telling everybody!'


    Brothel Trip

    An elderly man goes into a brothel and tells the madam he would like a young girl for the night. Surprised, she looks at the ancient man and asks how old he is.

    'I'm 90 years old,' he says.

    '90!' replies the woman. 'Don't you realize you've had it?'

    'Oh, sorry,' says the old man. 'How much do I owe you?'

    There is a difference between ignorance and stupidity ignorant people can be taught
    stupid people need to be shot.

  9. #24
    Join Date
    May 2002
    Location
    BC, Canada
    Posts
    18,582
    Thanks
    43
    Thanked 91 Times in 61 Posts
    Blog Entries
    5
    EP Points
    140

    Default

    What's the worst part about locking your keys in your car outside of the abortion clinic?

    Spoiler warning:
    Having to go inside and ask for a coathanger.

  10. #25
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    Location
    Seattle
    Posts
    1,183
    Thanks
    85
    Thanked 122 Times in 119 Posts
    EP Points
    305

    Default

    Why do women wear white on their wedding day?

    So the dishwasher matches the stove & refrigerator.



    How do you find a meth head in a supermarket?

    He'll be the one with his cart flipped over trying to fix the wheel.
    "I think that the problem with this video is it is highly derivative of many popular bands within the genre. Although when viewed on its own merits, it does have a deeper groove. However what it has in groove, it lacks in originality. One can't help but be reminded of such bands as Pearl Jam, White Zombie, Suicidal Tendencies and other bands that bear the mantle of so called "Alternative Rock". One is even reminded of Lorie Anderson when she wore curlers. Hehehmhm! This video speaks less to the heart and more to the sphincter. In closing, I think Korn would do well to learn more from -"

  11. #26
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Location
    Bug-Tussel, WI
    Posts
    467
    Thanks
    60
    Thanked 593 Times in 43 Posts
    EP Points
    2145

    Default

    So did you hear that Starbucks is opening a store on the moon?

    I'm not going.

    I hate the coffee, and there's no atmosphere.

    EDIT: As of 25-June-2012 at 2:52am, this thread has 666 views. Seems noteworthy, somehow... and could be a good segue for another joke. Like this one:

    One day, two nuns were driving in a car when the devil himself appeared on the hood!

    Nun 1: Heavens above! What shall we do?

    Nun 2: Well, show him your cross!

    Nun 1: Ok, then. (shouting) GET OFF THE G*D-DAM CAR, YOU F***ER!!!
    Last edited by Rockstar1983; 25th-June-2012 at 07:52.
    *If my post was helpful, click the star in the lower left corner of it to say "Thanks".
    *My username will unlock my uploads, if a password is needed.
    *Games, Guitars, or Girls... choose any two.

  12. #27
    Join Date
    May 2011
    Location
    New Delhi
    Posts
    943
    Thanks
    110
    Thanked 78 Times in 46 Posts
    Blog Entries
    8
    EP Points
    40

    Default

    Woman buys new Simcard
    To surprise husband,
    She goes 2 the Kitchen n cals her husband
    HI DARLING
    Husband says:
    i will call U later dear.
    My wife is in kitchen..

  13. #28
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Location
    Bug-Tussel, WI
    Posts
    467
    Thanks
    60
    Thanked 593 Times in 43 Posts
    EP Points
    2145

    Default

    A hypnotist staged a mass-hypnosis of 500 people, in order to set the World's Record. He rented an auditorium, with a top-notch audio system and video screens in order to reach the entire crowd. With every seat full, he climbed on the stage, and started swinging his large, gold pocket-watch back and forth...

    "You're getting sleepy... VERY sleepy. I will now count backwards from 10, and when I reach zero, you will do whatever I say -

    10... 9... 8... 7... 6... 5... 4... 3... 2... 1... ZERO."

    Just then, his watch-chain broke, and the watch fell to the stage and smashed into tiny pieces... "SH*T!!!", he yelled in anguish.

    He broke the World's Record, but it took a month to clean up the mess.
    *If my post was helpful, click the star in the lower left corner of it to say "Thanks".
    *My username will unlock my uploads, if a password is needed.
    *Games, Guitars, or Girls... choose any two.

  14. #29
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Location
    N. Sanity Island
    Posts
    239
    Thanks
    99
    Thanked 166 Times in 44 Posts
    EP Points
    1180

    Default The Joke Thread

    How does a blonde try to kill a fish?
    -She drowns it!
    Last edited by R0MVLVS; 21st-September-2013 at 11:21.

  15. #30
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    Posts
    682
    Thanks
    2
    Thanked 13 Times in 10 Posts
    EP Points
    25

    Default

    What’s the difference between Final Fantasy XIV and a restaurant?

    A restaurant usually has a good host and servers that work.
    I'm listening but I don't hear very much...

Similar Threads

  1. Heres a thread
    By pirates dc in forum Hang Out
    Replies: 46
    Last Post: 5th-April-2007, 03:01
  2. Heard any good jokes lately?
    By malice2501 in forum Free 4 All
    Replies: 114
    Last Post: 28th-October-2005, 01:32
  3. got jokes come here plz!
    By Moonlight in forum Free 4 All
    Replies: 13
    Last Post: 2nd-September-2002, 19:29
  4. Jokes
    By buzzyon in forum Free 4 All
    Replies: 37
    Last Post: 18th-April-2002, 06:31

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
About Us

We are the oldest retro gaming forum on the internet. The goal of our community is the complete preservation of all retro video games. Started in 2001 as EmuParadise Forums, our community has grown over the past 18 years into one of the biggest gaming platforms on the internet.

Social