My grandma won a fake Teletubby in a raffle. Teletubbies is/was a TV programme aimed at children under the age of five. I was nine.

Despite the fact it hadn't cost her a penny she was clearly pissed I didn't want a giant Tinky Winky to call my own and then proceeded to guilt trip me by deliberately leaving it out in the front room, where it remained until she moved house and by some stroke of mercy had no choice but to get rid of the sodding thing. Every weekend I would visit her and sure enough that purple apparition would be sat in a chair, leering at me with those gormless black eyes and a shit eating grin smeared across its face.