Heard any good jokes lately?

[malice2501]

Just a thread to pass some time. Post your favorite or more recently heard jokes here. Here's a corny one that actually made me laugh:

Q: Whats Brown and Sticky?





A: A stick

Stupid i know.

[Xena]

God made the Baboon to live for 30 years, but the Baboon said "thats to long can I live for 10 years?" God agreed. Then god made The tortoise to live for 150 years. The tortoise replyed "thats to long, can I live for 100 years?" God agreed. Then god made the dog to live for 30 years but the dog said, "can I not live for 10 years like the baboon?" Again god agreed. Finally god made man to live for 5 years. The man said "Hang on, thats to short. Can I have the 20 years from the baboon, the 50 years from the tortoise and the last 20 years from the dog?" God agreed. That is why when you reach 5 you start acting like a baboon, when you reach 25 thats why you become lazy and slow like the tortoise and when you hit 75 thats why you become barking mad.

A man is fishing in the ice when he hears the a voice saying "There are no fish down there." The man replys "Is that you god?" So he walked along and dug another hole. He hears the voice again "There are no fish down there." the man replys "Ok god." So he walks along and makes a third hole. "I said there are no fish down there!" Said the ice rink manager on the loud speaker.

Sorry i'm lame for jokes

[malice2501]

hah, just remembered one:

A man goes to the doctor to get his head examined. After the exam is complete, the doctor sits in his chair and stares at the notes intently. The man becomes more nervous that bad news is coming his way. Finally the doctor leans forward with a serious look on his face and says, " I have some good and bad news. The good news is your are going to live, the bad news is that we are going to have to cut off your arms and legs in order for you to survive."

At the news of this the man begins to cry uncontrollably. The doctor begins to laugh and gets up and pats the man on the shoulder. "I'm just kidding with you man." he says. "I'm not gonna cut your arms and legs off."

The man cheers up a bit and says "really?"

"Yeah" the doctor replies, "Youre gonna die anyway"

[Xena]

I'm prolly gonna get kaned for my crappy jokes.

Here is one more:

A 1 month pregnant woman went to see the docter. The doctor examined the woman then stamped some very tiny words on her belly in ink, so small she couldn't read them. When she got home, she took out a magnifying glass to see what the words said. The words read "When you can read this, see me."

[Skinner8]

Q: What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?














A: The Holocaust.


It's the joke to end all jokes. The final joke, one might say.

Get it?

[Xena]

Q: What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?

A: The Holocaust.


It's the joke to end all jokes. The final joke, one might say.

Get it?

Um, yeah I would reccomend retirment too....

[Anonymous]

ok, the one about the animals and lifespans was really crappy. just, not funny.

Q: How many dirty stinking apes does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: 10. one dirty stinking ape to screw it in, and 9 dirty stinking apes to throw feces at each other.

[Skinner8]

ok, the one about the animals and lifespans was really crappy. just, not funny.

Q: How many dirty stinking apes does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: 10. one dirty stinking ape to screw it in, and 9 dirty stinking apes to throw feces at each other.

Get off the Internet.

[Shadow X]

Yes. Immediately.

[Xena]

Get off the Internet.

You always say that but it never works.

ok, the one about the animals and lifespans was really crappy. just, not funny.

I'm deverstated.

[Anonymous]

ok, no family guy fans? damn.

[Paladin_Hammer]

These are lame. To bad I'm not a moderator cause I'd love to use that
-Thread closed
thingy right now.

[Xena]

These are lame. To bad I'm not a moderator cause I'd love to use that
-Thread closed
thingy right now.

Then why do you tell some "good" jokes then hmm???

[Paladin_Hammer]

Then why do you tell some "good" jokes then hmm???

Because all mine are racist. They're funny, but racist.

[Shadow X]

Well, since all the jokes are lame, lets continue the trend.

Q: How do you kill BIll Gates, President Bush, and Mel Gibson with a spoon?





A: You can't because there is no spoon.