And the MVP is............crusher's mom!
Here's what you've all been waiting for....the winner of the MVP (Most Valuable Player) of Emuparadise 2004. And the winner of the six participating contestants is......crusher mom!
I'm terribly sorry Plastic Jesus, Skinner8, Gospel All Retrod00ds and also the Helpers Guild.
So here's the deal: At first I was thinking of writing some shit about crusher's family, claiming that he's related to the Grimace and stuff like that. But instead I called his mother up and arranged a meeting in their humble home in the depths of Anderstorp...this'll fun.
Elmdor: ....So I'm finally here.... (looks at crusher's house)
I knew that it was supposed to be "humble" but this takes the price.
*Knocks on the "door"*
*Opens door*
?: H��ipa! Soie��tenit�?
Elmdor: erm...are you Atti? I'm Elmdor....you agreed to do a interview with me, remember?
Crusher's mom: Ah, yes. The reporter....so which newspaper do you work for again?
Elmdor: Eh....the Sun?
Crusher's mom: Ok, come in then.
*Enters*
Elm: So, tell me a little about yourself. Your name and stuff like that.
crusher's mom: Name: Atti Enocsson
Age: 32
Home Nation: Finland
Skin color: Black
Favorite food: Fried Hippo
Favorite drink: Fried Hippo (This is where I started to suspect that she's a psychopath)
Elm: So, are you aware of the fact that the members of Emuparadise.org consider you to be the most valuable player of 2004?
Atti: Emuparadise? What's that?
Elm: You don't know? It's an online message board where your son, crush, erm Jonas spends way too much time...
Atti: Really? Some asshole named Jimmy told me that Jonas only uses the internet to look at old naked ladies....and when I say old I'm talking 70+ old....
Elm: Well, he does that too....he's pretty weird isn't he?
Atti: Well....yeah. It saddens me to admit that it's probably my fault.....
Elm: Oh, why is that?
Atti: It can't be easy to have a black Finish mother....and let's not even mention his dad...
Elm: So the other kids are teasing him because you're his mom?
Atti: Sometimes I guess....but he gets even more shit for being impotent...
Elm:....eh....ok....maybe we shouldn't go there.....
Atti: He's also made fun of for being slowwitted....and stupid...not to mention that he lacks the ability to detect sarcasm....maybe it's because I was only 12 when I got him....
Elm: 12!? Did you get raped or something?
Atti: No, no. I had recently started to date his father....and he was both pushy and unresistable, so it just happened....
Elm: Oh, so who is is father then?
(Someone's at the door. Someone enters.)
*Enters*
Elm: OMFG! What's the Grimace doing here?
The Grimace: I live here. And who the fuck are you?
Atti: He's a reporter, honey. He's just here to ask some questions.
Elm: Honey? So....is that your husband? Is "he" Jonas's father?
Name: Grimace
Age: Unknown
Home Nation: McDonald's Land
Skincolor: Purple
Favorite Food: Small children
Favorite Drink: Milkshake
Atti: He sure is.
Elm: Eh....that's....odd..... so where've you been? Do you work at a local McDonald's restaurant?
Grimace: I've been in Cleveland.
Elm: Cleveland? What did you do there?
Grimace: Ronald McDonald said that I needed to lose some weight, so he sent me to a fat-camp in Cleveland. Fu*k him.
Elm: Huh? Why does a McDonald's mascot need to be in shape?
Grimace: Damned if I know. I heard that Mayor McCheese called me a big piece of purple shit.
Elm: ....o.....k. Well, since I'm really interviewing Atti I'm going to ask her some more questions....
Atti: Yes?
Elm: Ahem, a while back Jonas called me (for some unexplainable reason) but when I called you back and asked who had called me (from your house) you told me that I had called the wrong number, so why did you lie to me?
Grimace: Because I told her to do so.
Elm: Whaaa.....why is that?
Grimace: I thought that you were the Hamburglar and I really didn't want to talk to him.
Elm: Why not?
Grimace: Because he probably wanted to come over, and the last thing I want is that goddamn kleptomaniac in my house.
Elm: I thought he only stole hamburgers.
Grimace: Hell no. That little bitch steals our toothbrushes, Birdie's goggles, and even Captain Whatshisname's parrot.
Elm: That's awful!
Grimace: It's true though. No one likes him. But at least he's not a whore like Birdie.
Elm: Birdie's a whore? You can't be serious, tell me more!
Grimace: I have no time for that. I'm on my way to Roland, I'm going to kick his pasty white ass, and take over McDonald's land.
Elm: Really? Could you really pull that off?
Grimace: No. I'll be kicked out of McDonald's land for sure....
Elm: Eh...isn't that a bad thing? What are you going to do after that?
Grimace: I'll be doing a lot of crack, prostitutes, and drinking. Maybe in that order. I expect to wake up every morning in a pool of vomit and milkshake. Bye Sweetie.
Atti: Bye!
*Walks Out*
Elm: ....eh.....doesn't that....worry you or something?
Atti: Not Really....
Elm: ....o....k.....well, I think it's time for me to go....
(Someone's at the door)
*Enters*
crusher: Hi, I'm home.....huh!? WTF! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE ELMDOR! LEAVE ME ALONE YOU FUCKING PERVERT!
Atti: Don't be mean to the reporter, Jonas! I agreed on doing an interview with him.
crusher: But he's just going to make up a lot of shit and make our family look bad.
Elm: Don't worry crusher, you've done a pretty good job on that part, yourself. That's all, I'm out now.....oh by the way, I accidentally broke your computer.
crusher: Nooooooooooooooooo! How am I now supposed to look at old naked people?.....hey mom, wanna take a bath?
Elm:......bye.
*leaves*
Edit by MasJ: Some of the things written in this and the other MVP thread might be considered offensive by some. But I can assure you that the creator of this thread is just kidding around and he did not intend to hurt anyone's feelings. Especially not crusher's.
Infact he even taped an apology earlier today, let's watch it.
(Elmdor is seen on a Bigscreen TV)
Elmdor: Go Fu*k yourselves.
As you can see he feels very sorry about what he has done. That will be all.
P.S to crusher: Do NOT delete or edit this thread.
Edit by Elmdor: Thanks MasJ
Kudos to Stevejeffery and hugeinternetsuperstars.com .....
Originally Posted by Elmdor Valeth
